Is this real life?

Has anyone else heard of these? Whipped cream AND Alcohol?? Two of some of my favorite things mixed into one?? LETS PARTY!

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Between these seemingly delicious whipped awesomeness and perhaps a little bit of this?

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A drink that makes you horny? Sounds like we would all be in for a pretty interesting night.

A tale of a Cereal Killer.

For my Halloween party i came up with the basis of a story behind the decorations surrounding my fireplace and my clever minded friend gave insight for a more interesting story than i could have ever discovered on my own.

Al Koholic was a lonely man who love his cereal, but liked it better dead. Every morning Al would crack open an ice cold PBR and pour himself a scrumptious bowl of Kelloggs products, yet it simply could not satisfy him. The snap crackle and pop just had to stop! He then discovered the only cure for his impotence was to gaze into the microwave as he nuked the shit out of his breakfast.


He needed to kill the cereal!


One morning after enjoying a particularly satisfying bowl of Fruity Pebbles, and of course a frosty beer, Al was coming to a finish and exploded. His seed shot out of his tiny privates with such force it sent him hurtling backward into the fireplace, as if he were a midget wielding a fire-hose. The flames shot up around him and in his last thoughts it occurred to him, he would still be alive if only he drank enough to disable his penis.


Now he waits, thirsting, trapped in the mantle for all eternity plotting to steal your beers.


The only way to stop Al Koholic from murdering your cereals and stealing your beers is to DRINK IT UP!

Yeah I know we're fucked.

We're also talking about the same girl I was paired up with for a High School project, we ended up making a video of us trying to stick a bottle of Ant Jemima's syrup up each others bum holes. We ended up becoming friends for life, mostly because she makes me feel sane. I'm pretty sure we got an A on the project.

These are the only memories that make me miss high school.

Some other pastimes we have include coming up with twitter hashstags such as #drunkencrafts and #sobercrafts while making decorations for the party.

Growing up my mother overdid everything. If she would decorate, throw a party or even cook a thanksgiving dinner it always has to be the best. She should have been on an HGTV show, i would watch it.

I acquired that trait from her as well as many other awesome personal and physical pluses.

Since my mom tried to out due every trend or party with a limited supply of funds and would always succeed, I ended up acquiring a love for awesomeness.

My boyfriends 29th birthday i threw a Harry Potter themed party complete with Hogwarts Express, Quiditch, a wand shop and more. I've thought about become a party planner since every party i plan is the highlight of my day, but i don't know the right people and don't want to have to go back to school since education and I aren't exactly tight.

I was that kid in class with all the "dumb" kids, we weren't dumb just semi mentally challenged.

Don't be jealous because we got to use calculators during math exams.

Now that I've gone completely off subject, lets get back on subject.
 
I love parties, partying, booze, people, music, life and I'm hoping this Halloween shindig going down at my house is going to as epic as I plan on.

My boyfriend let me invite whoever i want and is letting me decorate the entire apartment, being the crazy person i am i feel I've come up with some great ideas.

Lets see how long it takes for the boyfriends anxiety to make an appearance. Should I have a bet going on?


It would have been cool if i could do a haunted house but i think I'll have to tackle that project next year. I've already been running around like mad woman trying to get all this stuff done by Saturday. Unless the man wants to be in charge of the "haunted garage" but i doubt either of us will have time and i don't want it to be lame. Not that he would make it lame, i just feel i would need to be there to supervise.

So here is the basic story behind my semi-haunted apartment.

It begins in our yard, as you walk into our custom zombie graveyard everyone who has confirmed they're coming is provided there own gravestone. Some say its bad luck for me to provide there own plot in our yard, i say its Halloween so get the fuck over it.

It's also bad luck for a black cat to cross your path and I have one of those.

So i guess my apartment is just going to be full of bad luck.

Anywho,  we're also going to collect sticks, stones and whatever else we can find to make the entrance of our apartment look blair witchy-like.

When you walk through the door you'll see blood dripping over the plastic sheeting covering our walls to resemble Dexter's kill room. Our Lady Gag Gag blow up doll will be strapped to the table as her alcohol filled jello brain is lying next to her.

Around "dead" Lady Gag Gag will be white keg cups set up for black light beer pong since we will be replacing all our lights in the kitchen with black lights.

I think i might need to have a few practice rounds before the party so the host can kick some serious beer pong ass.

When you walk into the living room our couch will be pushed aside for a dance area. As soon as we decide its "dance-party" time we can all break it down with our best party moves however, before then we'll have scary movies playing on our flat screen. The fireplace will be decorated creepy fun style along with the story about our ghost Al Koholic.

Hopefully everyone will be ready to obey the rules and DRINK IT UP!

Go green

I've decided that i enjoy smoking marijuana more than i enjoy the occasional alcoholic beverage. I love drinking, and always have a good time, but marijuana has a different and almost better effect on me than alcohol. I'm not even talking about the high, or the drunk fucked up feeling either one gives you, I'm talking about the effect it has on my actions.

More times than not, when i drink i become angry. Sometimes i even feel as if i become bipolar when drinking. One second, i will love and want to be friends with everyone around me but once someone starts with a friend of mine, the fists come up.

People can say whatever they want to me and i never care. You can make fun of my weight, the way i dress, how i wear my makeup or whatever 'diss' you want to throw at me, ill just shrug my shoulders and walk away. However, if you start talking shit to my friend, a switch turns on and you better run.

Well not really run, I'm not the toughest person in the world but sometimes i think i am. Until recently i have never lost a fight I've been in. Sometimes i start it, sometimes i don't, but i always finished it. Until last summer that is.

Last summer my boyfriend, our friend Ben and i were walking home from the bar when he decided to ask a group of 5 girls if anyone knew what time it was. This is how this went down (ill try and give you the short version)

Ben: Hey, do you guys know what time it is?

Girls: I dont fucking know!

Me: Excuse me bitch!

I then proceed to run into the middle of the girls, push everyone of them, they all walk away. My boyfriend runs over to hold me back, somehow i get away, run towards them once again this time with fists flying. Hit a few in the face and then drunkenly fall over my feet and onto the ground. I wasn't pushed, or knocked out, I was so drunk that i just fell. Yay me!

Of course, now that I'm down is when they all start kicking and punching me.

Ben got in the middle of them picked me up out of there, still swinging and kicking i figured, hell if im going down, I'm going down fighting. Thats my attitude most of the time, even sober. Even though when i am sober I'm more likely to try a different solution then fighting, but if it comes down to it i will throw down. Even if i know i will get my ass kicked.

I ended up with a few bumps and bruises and a broken pinkie toe. (That was fun) And all i got out of it was a not so good story and court order. (which was also fun)

but when i smoke I have more of a 'no worries' type attitude. Ill smoke a bowl and then go out to the bars, not drink, and if anyone starts with anyone ill sit there and try and talk it out. Or just explain how its not worth it, because in the end, its never worth it. 

I hang out, talk to friends, watch people and light up with smiles. I can never stop smiling when i smoke, and nothing ever bothers me. I enjoy feeling that way so much more than being angry. For some reason when i get angry (sober or drunk) i tend to black out. Every fight I've ever been in other people have to tell me exactly what happens because i never remember. I doubt think thats a good thing, maybe marijuana is my own form of anger management. 

Everything is more beautiful, relaxing and fulfilling. You look at the sky and you think "wow. I'm really glad thats there so i can stare at it" The stars are brighter, the flowers smell more fragrant. (Reading this over, i sound like a complete stoner)

When i drink, i can barely see, let alone smell. I get full off beer, sick off rum (I stay away from that at all costs) and if i start drinking tequila, ill drink until the bottle is gone and then act a fool. Which is fine on occasion and around the right people, but once you take me out in public is when everyone else and myself has to make sure no one starts with anyone I'm with. I tend to be a great ruiner of good times.

In the end, I've decided marijuana is a better solution and I'm going to stick with drinking maybe once a week. It costs less money, since i can make a bag last me a whole 7 days instead of a case of beer or bottle of tequila that only lasts me one night. It also doesn't help my weight issues either. I haven't drank any alcohol in 3 days and I've already lost 7 pounds! Go me!