Bring on the rain, bring on the THUNDAAAHH!!

I've briefly mentioned my alter ego Tequila thunder when I introduced you to Penelope.

Tequila thunder was born almost 2 years ago. We were at a friends house and our friend Kevin decided to name drunken me, Tequila Thunder.

Dressed as Tequila Thunder for a Halloween party

Watch out! There is a storm comin'!

"Bring on the rain, bring on the THUNDDAAAH!"

Tequila and I are pretty tight, we've been friends ever since i decided to leave the Captain, Captain Morgan that is. During high school we had a pretty decent relationship but decided to break it off once he started to make me sick. That's when I met Tequila. He was good to me, fufilled my alcoholic needs as a 19 year old girl and tasted absolutely delicious.

Everyone knows about beer muscles, well tequila used to give me mexican liqour muscles. I thought I was the invincible woman and had a big mouth.

We would go out dancing, have a few drinks and after a few shots of Jose I would be making out with my best friend and planning on punching the next bitch who rolled her eyes in my direction.

Tequila thunder doesnt only fight, she loves.

Hence the making out.

I get friendly when i drink, really friendly, and like to show my affections with my tongue. Don't judge. If your nice to Tequila Thunder she will be your best friend and probably try to shove her tongue in your mouth.

So here we were, hanging out and having a great time when booze decided to take over my life. After a few drinks to everyones suprise (I wish you could notice the sarcasm here) I get drunk and really "friendly"'

The next morning I'm browsing through my camera only to find pictures of myself sitting on our friends fiances lap giving her kisses and according to my boyfriend assuring her that i would never break into her house and try to beat her up. I guess I was telling her stories of a previous occasion where i went to a girls house and attempted to break in through the window after she wouldnt open her apartment door. I did have a good reason, kind of. She stole 500 bucks from my best friend. The cops came, i told them the situation and how i wasnt going to ler her get away with it. I avoided being arrested but my friend never got her money back. I swear I'm only crazy when it comes to certain situations.

That's when Kevin comes up with the now infamous name among our friends. "Whats the weather like tonight Kayleigh? Is there a storm brewin'? Bring on the THUNDAH!"

As much as this story makes me look pyscho, im really not, I may have been then but i wouldnt do something like that again. I already had my encounters with the law and luckily got away with trying to harm a few people.

My luck doesnt run so well when it comes to speeding and parking tickets but that's another story.

Tequila Thunder caught on fast, now whenever we have a party or go out my friends and my boyfriends friends try to force her out. Its really not that hard. She can be a good time.

Anywho, this is the story of how Tequila Thunder came to be and Im stickin to it.

Im not clever enough to think this shit up on my own.

Jamaica made me contsipated

Its been a while since my last blog post. 

I feel like I've started my last few posts with that awful sentence.

Every time I think about blogging I realize how boring my life has been lately. A boring life leads to less blog posts.

Every day I think to myself "Oh..maybe ill finally write a new blog post."

I begin to try and remember interesting things that happened since I last wrote.

Aand I come up with a big, depressing, gaping hole of nothingness.

No need to depress myself, right? 

But I miss being able to vent about anything. I miss wanting to write about how boring my life has been or how exciting it can be. No matter what happens, at the end of the day or during a late night, my form of therapy is drinking a few beers and writing out anything that comes to mind.

I guess my life as of late hasn't been that boring. Tuesday night I drank a little too much and it ended up being that night im never going to remember. No matter what pictures may surface, nothing even rings a bell. Oops.

I'm just going to blame that on Jamaica.
Not even really Jamaica, more like the resort we stayed in which happened to be located in Jamaica.

The resort was one of the cheapest all inclusive resorts we could find and needless to say we found out why.

The first day we arrived everything was perfect. It was my boyfriend, myself and two of our good friends (another couple) who we always have a great time with. The resort looked beautiful, the weather was amazing, the drinks were free and the pool was just as awesome as everything else.

We spent our first night chatting it up with the bartender downstairs and ended up back in our hotel rooms finishing off the two bottles of Vodka we payed 30 bucks for.

After a few Vodka and Orange sodas, as well as a little something extra for myself, we ended up rapping Afro Mans "Colt 45" to all of Jamaica from our porch and rolling around on the King sized bed trying to figure out how many times it would take to roll onto the floor.

This was already turning out to be the best vacation ever.

The next morning i woke up feeling refreshingly hungover and proceeded to the porch where I support my nicotine habit. While out there, I decided it would be the best time to pass some gas. Especially since all the crap i had eaten the night before made me sure it was going to be a smelly one.

Aand wow. It was.

Well at least I thought it was.

A few hours later i went back out on the porch to once again support my dream of getting cancer and my dream was squashed.

I  believed the heat of the sun helped to seep in the disgusting stench of my fart into the walls of our porch. We were going to be haunted by my fart throughout our entire vacation.


I couldn't help but to be a little proud.

If only i had known where the smell was really coming from.

I warned them to not step outside into the gas bubble, I told them it smelled terrible and wouldn't go away. They didn't listen, instead they braved there way past the sliding glass doors, into the fart chamber.

To my relief and maybe a little disappointment, I found out the smell was not my doing.

Our porch was located right above one of many septic systems placed throughout the resort. 

I don't know if the thing overflowed or what happened while we were there but after that everywhere we went smelled like shit.

How did we not notice this our first night?

Along with the disgusting two beers located in our mini fridge, the man made cement beach and our only chance to discover the real Jamaica being ruined, I barely even got to dance.

AND I FUCKING LOVE TO DANCE!!!

The one night we decided to check out the "Night Club", we ended up grabbing a cup of tequila and getting the fuck out since our shoes were sticking to the floor while we were trying to bust a move and came to the conclusion that it was more of a dive bar than a night club.


Karaoke was fun though. And i made some pool friends who danced the electric slide with me.

This is when we get to the food.

The reason i believe my stomach has been all fucked up since we've been back.

I didn't expect gourmet five star meal, every meal of the day, but i did expect my food to be at least be luke warm.  
 
Is that too much to ask?

I think not!

I know im a picky eater but I'll try things before i decide i don't like it.

Hell, I tried fish and sushi during this vacation.

Even though the smell of fish alone makes me want to vomit, i still put it in my mouth. I gave the rest away but i still tried it, and that's the whole point. Right?

I've never had problems going to the bathroom.

I enjoy that i poop at least once a day. I'm hardly ever bloated, i feel relaxed all the time and I never have to worry about unnecessary stomach pains.

Ever since we've been back from Jamaica Ive had trouble taking a dump. My boyfriend and I even went to the super market today to grab something to help me out with it and still nothing.

I've maybe gone twice since we've been home, and we got back last Saturday.

This is why i blame my drunkenness Tuesday night on Jamaica.

Saturday morning was our last day of warm weather and free booze.

A sad day it was.

It became even sadder when I seriously started thinking about using a knife to cut out my stomach. Food only made the cramps and bloating worse, i felt like a pregnant lady. Sunday came along and I just wanted the pain to go away.

Not eating helped.

By the time Tuesday came around the only thing close to a meal that went in, our around my mouth was a side of  french fries from Friendlys.

I decided to be smart and leave my money at home, since Jamaica made me broke and i planned on not drinking at all.

I even ordered a water, which is extremely unusual for me, but the next thing i know someone is ordering a beverage and then a few shots later...

My alarm goes off and I'm snuggled all in my bed while my phone is yelling at me to go to work.

If it weren't for the food at the resort making me constipated, i would have eaten that day and the day before.

Therefore i wouldn't have been such a light weight and four drinks in three hours wouldn't have gotten me so wasted.

Jamaica wasn't all bad, It was still a great vacation.

Free booze, warm weather and awesome people. Nothing, even the shit smell randomly popping up all around the resort could ruin our fun.

Most of our time was spent in the pool anyway, and luckily the smell didn't linger over to that area. We always got our spot right next to the bar and the fact they ran out of the tequila couldn't even ruin the fun we were having.

A tale of a Cereal Killer.

For my Halloween party i came up with the basis of a story behind the decorations surrounding my fireplace and my clever minded friend gave insight for a more interesting story than i could have ever discovered on my own.

Al Koholic was a lonely man who love his cereal, but liked it better dead. Every morning Al would crack open an ice cold PBR and pour himself a scrumptious bowl of Kelloggs products, yet it simply could not satisfy him. The snap crackle and pop just had to stop! He then discovered the only cure for his impotence was to gaze into the microwave as he nuked the shit out of his breakfast.


He needed to kill the cereal!


One morning after enjoying a particularly satisfying bowl of Fruity Pebbles, and of course a frosty beer, Al was coming to a finish and exploded. His seed shot out of his tiny privates with such force it sent him hurtling backward into the fireplace, as if he were a midget wielding a fire-hose. The flames shot up around him and in his last thoughts it occurred to him, he would still be alive if only he drank enough to disable his penis.


Now he waits, thirsting, trapped in the mantle for all eternity plotting to steal your beers.


The only way to stop Al Koholic from murdering your cereals and stealing your beers is to DRINK IT UP!

Yeah I know we're fucked.

We're also talking about the same girl I was paired up with for a High School project, we ended up making a video of us trying to stick a bottle of Ant Jemima's syrup up each others bum holes. We ended up becoming friends for life, mostly because she makes me feel sane. I'm pretty sure we got an A on the project.

These are the only memories that make me miss high school.

Some other pastimes we have include coming up with twitter hashstags such as #drunkencrafts and #sobercrafts while making decorations for the party.

Growing up my mother overdid everything. If she would decorate, throw a party or even cook a thanksgiving dinner it always has to be the best. She should have been on an HGTV show, i would watch it.

I acquired that trait from her as well as many other awesome personal and physical pluses.

Since my mom tried to out due every trend or party with a limited supply of funds and would always succeed, I ended up acquiring a love for awesomeness.

My boyfriends 29th birthday i threw a Harry Potter themed party complete with Hogwarts Express, Quiditch, a wand shop and more. I've thought about become a party planner since every party i plan is the highlight of my day, but i don't know the right people and don't want to have to go back to school since education and I aren't exactly tight.

I was that kid in class with all the "dumb" kids, we weren't dumb just semi mentally challenged.

Don't be jealous because we got to use calculators during math exams.

Now that I've gone completely off subject, lets get back on subject.
 
I love parties, partying, booze, people, music, life and I'm hoping this Halloween shindig going down at my house is going to as epic as I plan on.

My boyfriend let me invite whoever i want and is letting me decorate the entire apartment, being the crazy person i am i feel I've come up with some great ideas.

Lets see how long it takes for the boyfriends anxiety to make an appearance. Should I have a bet going on?


It would have been cool if i could do a haunted house but i think I'll have to tackle that project next year. I've already been running around like mad woman trying to get all this stuff done by Saturday. Unless the man wants to be in charge of the "haunted garage" but i doubt either of us will have time and i don't want it to be lame. Not that he would make it lame, i just feel i would need to be there to supervise.

So here is the basic story behind my semi-haunted apartment.

It begins in our yard, as you walk into our custom zombie graveyard everyone who has confirmed they're coming is provided there own gravestone. Some say its bad luck for me to provide there own plot in our yard, i say its Halloween so get the fuck over it.

It's also bad luck for a black cat to cross your path and I have one of those.

So i guess my apartment is just going to be full of bad luck.

Anywho,  we're also going to collect sticks, stones and whatever else we can find to make the entrance of our apartment look blair witchy-like.

When you walk through the door you'll see blood dripping over the plastic sheeting covering our walls to resemble Dexter's kill room. Our Lady Gag Gag blow up doll will be strapped to the table as her alcohol filled jello brain is lying next to her.

Around "dead" Lady Gag Gag will be white keg cups set up for black light beer pong since we will be replacing all our lights in the kitchen with black lights.

I think i might need to have a few practice rounds before the party so the host can kick some serious beer pong ass.

When you walk into the living room our couch will be pushed aside for a dance area. As soon as we decide its "dance-party" time we can all break it down with our best party moves however, before then we'll have scary movies playing on our flat screen. The fireplace will be decorated creepy fun style along with the story about our ghost Al Koholic.

Hopefully everyone will be ready to obey the rules and DRINK IT UP!

Angel From Montgomery

I have to say, i love nothing more in the world than going to my dads just to hang out and sing together. We used to do this all the time until recently, we have both been so busy and there hasn't been enough time in the day to get together just to have a mini jam session. 

Our jam sessions would be a lot better if I knew how to play an instrument correctly, but my piano skills are minimal and it takes me at least a week to learn a song. Plus, its no fun that there aren't any YouTube videos for songs we sing together. I've been begging a friend who teaches piano to come over and help me with songs forever now. I guess I'll just have to be up her ass before she'll actually come over and teach me something.

I'm just so impatient! 

When i find a song i like, i want to learn it, and i want to learn it now!!! (stomps feet and whines like a child) I don't want to wait for someone to finally put up a YouTube tutorial, i dont want to sit around watching videos on how to play chords and learn to read music and what not. Thats just way to much damn work! 

Even though, i know in order to get really good at the piano and play pieces by ear, i need to learn all the basics. But like i said, im lazy as fuck and impatient when it comes to things i love doing, or know im going to love doing once i learn them.

Any who, i decided to share with you guys a video my dad and I made today, its not anything special, i mainly wanted to see the video quality on my new camera but it actually came out pretty good. In my opinion at least. 

My allergies are terrible, and to my surprise when i listened to video it actually gave a cool little rasp to my voice and didnt sound as bad as i thought. I should try and sing more often when my throat is dry, or maybe not.

Without any further rambling from yours truly, here is Angel From Montgomery originally sung by Bonnie Rait...or John Prine...or both. Not really sure...i just know those are the more famous singers who played the song. Its a little different from the original, because my dad likes to make the music his own, but i actually love his little spin on it. Oh shit, i said i wouldnt ramble...and there i go. 

Okay. here it is. :-) I hope you enjoy it! Tell me what you guys think! 

The beauty in a picture

So I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure i mentioned that my boyfriend finally bought that camera I've been talking about getting, a Nikon D5100. Ever since i opened the package I've been learning as much as I can, with the attention span i have, which is about zero.

I chose to watch the DVD because reading a manual is way to much work for my brain, it gets tired when there is to much thinking involved. I have medication for that, but it only works so well.

Any who...I live right by the water and being surrounded by so much beauty there is always a moment to stop and snap a photo. I've been trying to use as much time as possible for taking as many pictures as i have time for, playing around with as many camera functions i can remember learning about in the video.

So far my favorite is the selective color tool.

As i said, i am still learning so i'm sure ill find more settings and effects to play around with. If anyone is in the advice giving mood who is more skilled in photography than i am, i would love to hear from you!

To update you on my life, my godson came home with his mother today and i got snuggle him for a whole hour before i had to give him away to another visitor. He's the cutest little chunky peanut ever and is already so well behaved. While i was holding him he stared at me, eyes wide open for the first half hour and then passed out quietly in my arms while their dog rested his head on the babies belly looking at his new best friend.

You can already tell he is going to watch and make sure no harm comes to him, what a good pup.

I can't wait until he's old enough for me to teach him how to annoy his parents. I'm sure they're going to be sooo happy they chose me to be in there babies life for the rest of...well...ever. At least they know I'm going to shower him with love and that's all that matters.

Now i will leave you with some pictures i have taken with my brand new camera! :-)

My Dads dog Sidney<3

I don't think Raggedy Anne was that creepy when i was younger

Your clouding my aura...

So not to sound like a complete hippy chick, but I'm probably going to for a few moments here.

I feed off peoples energies.

If there is to much bad shit surrounding me, I don't have enough strength to fight it off so eventually its going to change my mood.

That's not okay.

I want to attract good energy, good people, good feelings, I love nothing more in my life than being happy.

The best times always come when you can keep a smile on your face. I want to surround myself with people who give off....good vibrations.

"Its such a good vibration, its such a sweeeet sensatioooonnn."  I'm going to have that song stuck in my head for days now. Guaranteed.

Oh Marky Mark you funky thing you. I got to stare at his ass on TRL once...but thats a story for a different day.

Any who, then there are these people, whos energies are so strong you cant force them out. They take over your body and as hard as you try and shield yourself, it keeps coming.

"Fuck you bitch, my aura is stronger than yours."

It starts an aura war.

The stupid energy, the one that i try to avoid, decided to make an unwanted visit to my home this weekend. Thank god it was only here for about an hour.

I come home from work, ready for a great time. My boyfriend started his vacation and a bunch of his friends came to visit so when i got to my house there were already about 7 or 8 people over.

I love having people over,  its always a bunch of nonsense and usually its a drama free zone, which is awesome. But then again, when you invite certain people over ive learned its like mixing the wrong paint colors together, sometimes you get a shitty color.

Or in energies case, bad energy.

I guess it was more like awkward energy. There was a girl here that not many of my boyfriends friends enjoy the company of but she has always been nice to me. On the other hand i can see why most people don't like her, I try and keep an open mind about things.

So the whole time she is here, she continues talking to me since im the only person who will really give her the time of day besides her current boyfriend. Then i have these friends over who keep trying to talk about her to me when i just want to keep myself out of it.

They don't like each other, great. I understand but at the same time, its not my problem, not my business. To sum it up, i don't give a fuck.

So here was all this negative energy flowing in every direction and i couldnt enjoy myself in fear of an argument. So before i started having fun, i felt awkward for about an hour, and then i think the negative energy got the best of her because sooner rather than later she decided to make her exit.

Like magic the energy turns back into the good vibrations.

So like i said, not to sound like a complete hippy chick, but I'm a firm believer in energy.

A smile creates a smile a, good environment creates happy people and happy people create more happy people. I wish there was more positive energy in the world then there is right now, but i find myself for the most part surrounded by the best energies i can find.

Its about a baby.

So one of my best friends decided that she was going to make me the godmother of her child, so naturally, since she is only a couple weeks away from her due date, im fucking pumped! 

I made this video specifically telling her to get her move on, and push that fucking baby out! 

You can find my main dance partner at youtube.com/patt311

Birds of a feather...pee together?

Last night I went out with my boyfriend and some friends...whats new right?

And once again I find myself a pee friend. Why is it that girls need to have company while going to the bathroom?

I do it all the time, so I'm not judging.

Its not like we need any help, we are all grown adults and know how to use a toilet. It just happens.

After a few drinks our bladders fill up, we try to hold it until the last second because you know once you break the seal its all done for the night and your gonna be going every ten minutes. But once you gotta go you start asking if any of your friends need to go too. (You need someone to hold your drink for you. Its kind of tough to pee in a public restroom and hold your drink at the same time)

You then proceed to the bathroom, where there usually is more than one stall but always end up in the handicap because its bigger..

This is when the gossip starts, once we are in the bathroom there is no one to listen to us (except a few fellow bladder relievers). So we start talking about whatever comes to our minds, our own personal friend pee therapy.

We mention other people at the bar, the hot guys, the bitches, the sluts, our day, normal girl talk. Then we fix ourselves up, wash our hands, check our teeth, hair and makeup in the mirror and strut our stuff on back to the bar.

And in my case usually as im talking it up my friend decides to have a photoshoot of me on the toilet...I couldn't tell you how many pee pictures i have of myself that i keep locked away safe in my computer away from public view.

I wonder if its our subconscious preparing us for a ninja bathroom attack. Figure if we are together we'll have more chance of surviving...even though unless i have a friend who is a black belt in some type of martial arts i don't know about, i don't think we would stand a chance against ninjas.

Maybe zombies? I could take a zombie down in the bathroom with my girls. But then again I overestimate my strength when I've put down a few tequila shots, and im pretty sure ive never had a sober group peeing session.