"What do you have, two right feet or something?"

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but im pretty sure my brain during the last few months has turned backwards.

I've always been a little brain dead and spacey but lately its multiplied by a billion and one.

For some reason I have continuously been putting my clothes on inside out. I get ready in the morning, afternoon, whenever i decide to wake up and walk out the door only to have someone tell me my shirt or pants are on inside out. The other day i actually put my pants on right side in, but backwards. Now that takes talent.

You would think after the second time of doing this i would double check or at least look in the mirror before I left the house. But even when i look in the mirror I always seem to miss the fact that something just isnt right.

Was i drunk? Probably, or at least hungover. But it has happened to me sober too, which is the odd part.

Sober and putting my clothes on inside out? Didn't my mother teach my how to dress when i was like 5?

I've come into work the morning after a long night of drinking tequila till 4am with a right shoe on each foot. The funnest part about that day was when my boss replied with...

"Can i have this dance?" still drunk and hungover me stumbles over only for him to say "Wow, your really terrible. What do you have, two right feet or something?"

These events lead me to laugh at myself way to often.

At least when I'm under the influence of some substance I have an excuse. These last few times however, I have none. I even went to my Godsons baptism with my pants on inside out, thankfully no one else noticed until I figured it out at the after party.

Perhaps its my subconscious trying to start a new trend. You wont have to do your laundry as often because you could just turn your pants or shirt on inside out and still be wicked stylish!

Go green

I've decided that i enjoy smoking marijuana more than i enjoy the occasional alcoholic beverage. I love drinking, and always have a good time, but marijuana has a different and almost better effect on me than alcohol. I'm not even talking about the high, or the drunk fucked up feeling either one gives you, I'm talking about the effect it has on my actions.

More times than not, when i drink i become angry. Sometimes i even feel as if i become bipolar when drinking. One second, i will love and want to be friends with everyone around me but once someone starts with a friend of mine, the fists come up.

People can say whatever they want to me and i never care. You can make fun of my weight, the way i dress, how i wear my makeup or whatever 'diss' you want to throw at me, ill just shrug my shoulders and walk away. However, if you start talking shit to my friend, a switch turns on and you better run.

Well not really run, I'm not the toughest person in the world but sometimes i think i am. Until recently i have never lost a fight I've been in. Sometimes i start it, sometimes i don't, but i always finished it. Until last summer that is.

Last summer my boyfriend, our friend Ben and i were walking home from the bar when he decided to ask a group of 5 girls if anyone knew what time it was. This is how this went down (ill try and give you the short version)

Ben: Hey, do you guys know what time it is?

Girls: I dont fucking know!

Me: Excuse me bitch!

I then proceed to run into the middle of the girls, push everyone of them, they all walk away. My boyfriend runs over to hold me back, somehow i get away, run towards them once again this time with fists flying. Hit a few in the face and then drunkenly fall over my feet and onto the ground. I wasn't pushed, or knocked out, I was so drunk that i just fell. Yay me!

Of course, now that I'm down is when they all start kicking and punching me.

Ben got in the middle of them picked me up out of there, still swinging and kicking i figured, hell if im going down, I'm going down fighting. Thats my attitude most of the time, even sober. Even though when i am sober I'm more likely to try a different solution then fighting, but if it comes down to it i will throw down. Even if i know i will get my ass kicked.

I ended up with a few bumps and bruises and a broken pinkie toe. (That was fun) And all i got out of it was a not so good story and court order. (which was also fun)

but when i smoke I have more of a 'no worries' type attitude. Ill smoke a bowl and then go out to the bars, not drink, and if anyone starts with anyone ill sit there and try and talk it out. Or just explain how its not worth it, because in the end, its never worth it. 

I hang out, talk to friends, watch people and light up with smiles. I can never stop smiling when i smoke, and nothing ever bothers me. I enjoy feeling that way so much more than being angry. For some reason when i get angry (sober or drunk) i tend to black out. Every fight I've ever been in other people have to tell me exactly what happens because i never remember. I doubt think thats a good thing, maybe marijuana is my own form of anger management. 

Everything is more beautiful, relaxing and fulfilling. You look at the sky and you think "wow. I'm really glad thats there so i can stare at it" The stars are brighter, the flowers smell more fragrant. (Reading this over, i sound like a complete stoner)

When i drink, i can barely see, let alone smell. I get full off beer, sick off rum (I stay away from that at all costs) and if i start drinking tequila, ill drink until the bottle is gone and then act a fool. Which is fine on occasion and around the right people, but once you take me out in public is when everyone else and myself has to make sure no one starts with anyone I'm with. I tend to be a great ruiner of good times.

In the end, I've decided marijuana is a better solution and I'm going to stick with drinking maybe once a week. It costs less money, since i can make a bag last me a whole 7 days instead of a case of beer or bottle of tequila that only lasts me one night. It also doesn't help my weight issues either. I haven't drank any alcohol in 3 days and I've already lost 7 pounds! Go me!

there are worse things...

So i just spent the last hour of my day creating a new Facebook and deleting family off my real Facebook just to request them back on my fake one.

why? you ask...

because apparently there is no such thing as freedom of speech or in my case video anymore.

Every time i post something on Facebook someone has something to say about it. Mainly my family...so guess what if you don't like the way i am...your deleted!

I sound so threatening...but i couldn't just delete my family completely, so instead i decided to make a Facebook page just for my family. So at least they can think I'm the perfect proper woman my mother wants me to be. Surprise! I'm not.

But who is perfect really? I can tell you other things i am not. I'm not a whore, prostitute or a drug addict. I do however speak highly of my friends and family, am always there when they need me, i hold a steady job, a great boyfriend and a cute apartment. But since i like to go out and have fun it appears I'm not lady like.

Which is fine with me, i burp in public, fart and blame it on the person next to me if it smells, i don't wear high heals (more like cant) and if i wear a skirt i don't know how to sit properly so you can usually see my underwear. I show my ass to everyone and i sometimes swear like a drive trucker. But just because im not your typical proper girly girl doesn't make me a bad person.

The main reason I'm ranting is because my parents don't approve of my latest YouTube video. Probably because I'm drunk on the bathroom floor rambling nonsense. But who hasn't had a night like that? If you are over the age of 21...even 18 and say you haven't your a god damn liar.
I just got my night on video, thought it was funny and decided to share with the world on the internet.

Not like its gonna get to Rebecca Blacks "Friday" Status anyways so i don't see the big deal.

Has no one ever seen the other videos people post online?? Mine would be rated G compared to "Two girls one cup", or "shake that bear"...go ahead click on it if you haven't seen it already. I dare you!

Oh big fucking whoop, my ass is hanging out...everyone has one...so I'm pretty sure everyone has seen one before. And I also know if it was that bad, YouTube would have taken it down by now.

I wonder what these girls parents are saying...the ones who eat shit and rub it all over there face or eat puke. Now thats disturbing.

Not everyone is REALLY Irish on St, Patricks Day.

Anyone who knows me, know i like to drink. A lot. I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic, I could stop if i wanted to (Sounds like your typical alcoholic to me, just take my word for it). And everyone knows St. Patricks day is a big drinking holiday, those Irish sure know how to keep it down. But me...im no Irish, not even a little, but they say everyone is Irish on St. Pattys Day. That magical day where everyone to gets together, dressed in green. Green shirts, Green beads, Green glasses, Green clover stickers on your face. Its the time for boiled dinners, corned beef and cabbage. Ew. Irish car bombs and green beer!! Yum!

So I start off my day at work, I work at a Mexican restaurant...cuz everyone wants to eat Mexican and drink margaritas on an Irish holiday! (Yeah right) I'm probably one of the few. I'm a picky eater though, so i guess it makes a little sense. I think i had a total of 5 tables that day, one of them included my family, so they don't really count. I made decent money for the amount of tables i had and i was out early which was good. I started drinking before my shift even ended, those are always the good nights.

Around 9pm my boyfriend comes to meet me for a few discounted/free drinks at work. An hour later after a margarita, a grey goose and red bull, some fancy drink with tequila in it (my fav) and a Tequila shot, we head on down to the bars with my boyfriend and some friends from work. I meet up with some of my other friends order a vodka cranberry and orange juice and this is when my night starts to get a little foggy. I remember ordering one more drink (I think) and talking to my friends about this girls sleepover i want to have with pretty drinks, PJs, movies and facials. (Sounds fun right?) Then i remember going outside for a cigarette, defending one my friend (lets call her Mary) whose other (we'll call her Jane) ruined her chances with this guy she thought was cute. I told Jane that she was a bad friend and that she ruined it for Mary because the guy told me he was interested but that Jane was making it awkward for him.

FLASH FORWARD: NEXT MORNING
Still drunk from the night before I'm woken up way to early to be alive when you are hung over not remembering how i even got home. My phone is blowing up with text messages from my boyfriend who leaves for work at 630am. God bless him, because i am far from a morning person. I go to the bathroom, wonder why there is a blanket on the floor, do my business, lay back in bed and open up my phone to see a text message saying "Good morning sunshine" and a video attached to it.

Oh Great....leave it to my boyfriend to capture all the ridiculousness that is me.

So i watch this video and begin to remember throwing up the night before. But when i heard myself explaining to my boyfriend why i was lying on the floor, i recall it sounding completely different in my drunken state. I thought i was telling him that i had the spins and couldn't get up off the floor that second, but apparently it was just mumbling. Oops.

Then i talk to my best friend (we'll call her Shirley) who I remember seeing once and introducing to my new work friends, but she said i saw her more than that. She also informed me of my argument with Jane, she told me i kept repeating myself over and over and over again, which i do sometimes, or a lot when i have consumed enough alcohol, while stumbling over. Shirley said she was standing behind Jane laughing while looking at my boyfriend seeing if he would get me to stop. He didn't. So i kept going.

Then finally we left after my boyfriend told me he bribed me not to continue the bar hopping extravaganza with 7-11 breakfast sammiches. (YUM!) You don't have to ask me twice! We got home i stumbled around, sat down took a bite of my delicious egg sandwich and said "I think im gonna go throw this up now". And the video above is the aftermath. Come to find out when he took this video it was only between 11 and midnight. Amazing how drunk you can get in only a few hours. After an hour of trying to help me back to reality he decides to give up around 1am and give me a blanket to make myself comfortable on the bathroom floor. Since i woke up in my bed i assume i eventually was able to move my legs and make my way into the bedroom.

Along with taking this video he also took a wonderful picture of me and posted it on Facebook titled: Not everyone is REALLY Irish on St. Pattys Day.