My underwear is on backwards.

I'm going to be in the car on the way to Florida in 24 hours.

No, we aren't driving.

We're gonna be in the car, on our way to the airport, with the airplanes, that are going to fly us to Florida, in LEESSS than 24 hours.

It might have just hit me, or maybe it hasn't fully hit me yet.

Who knows?

All i know is, i wasn't pumped, and now I'm so fucking pumped i wanna punch a puppy!

..no wait.

That's mean....i got carried away with all the excitement, 

Sorry, I would never punch puppies. 

Promise

I haven't been on a vacation in what feels like forever, and of course this is the week where everything goes wrong.

Its that time of the month. 

Ya know, the one where all girls bleed out their bitchy tendencies through vagina's and mouths. The time of month when for no reason your girlfriend decides she wants to punch you in the dick just because it makes her feel better,

Or maybe thats just me...

Don't feel bad for my boyfriend he deserves two punches a day for every fart he pushes towards my direction. Fifty farts a day equal one hundred punches. He brought this punishment on himself.

Well his ass did...

the punishments I could think up involving that. 

Then i caught conjunctivitis..

Yeah, i know the jokes involving this as well

Now i have a cold.

I honestly don't even know if this is just a cold,  i have never felt so physically chilled during this kind of weather in my life. 

I might just be going crazy, crazier than usual.

One of my co-workers today was commenting on how the dining room thermostat read 80 degrees, the goosebumps on my arms all day would have disagreed, i couldn't stop shivering. Now I'm cradling a bowl of microwaved left over Chinese food from this weekend to keep me warm. Its really not as sad as it sounds.

Whats sad is the fact that the front of my underpants are currently located on my ass and I don't even have the strength to care.

Looking at the positive side of this situation, at least i got sick now, so i have the motivation to keep working for the simple fact that i want to have a fucking epic time in Florida.

Someone farted on my pillow..

For some reason or another I tend to attract conjunctivitis. I wear contacts and i wash my hands a gazillion times a day, but working in the restaurant business makes it a tad bit hard to keep all the germs away.

I used to get it around 3 times a year, so much where it got to the point that my doctor told me to put the left over medication in the freezer so when i get it again i don't have to come back and see him.

So of course with my awesome luck, since its been quite a while since I've had a it last, a girl i work with decided to bless herself with the pink eye. Thanks a lot.

I woke up yesterday morning with my eyes bright red, juicy and sticky. And to my disappointment had to call out of work in fear of spreading the shit eye virus.

It pisses me off how easily it spreads, someone in China farts on someones pillow, then they bring that pillow to america which then gives that person conjuncativitis. Then that person decides to spread the fart particles into someone elses eye and so and so forth and its a never ending cycle of people farting in other peoples eyes. Its ridiculous!

We must stop this madness!

Wash your hands people! If you really want to pull a fart joke on someone just give them the dutch oven. You get the satisfaction of letting someone else inhale your stench and your victim in return doesn't get pink eye.

Tom says its because I'm a dirty Puerto Rican, but thats his answer for everything.

"Oh your car door wont open today? Its because your a dirty Puerto Rican and it thinks your gonna steal it. Spanish people cant own cars."

Hes not racist...he just thinks hes funny, and maybe he is.

So in conclusion, if you have this terrible never ending icky-eye disease please don't talk to me, look at me, serve my food, or even think about me. It can hear your thoughts and wants to be my best friend, when in reality its my number one enemy.