One step closer to freezing

Everyone is wetting themselves with excitement over the fall season.

Everyone, except for me.

Sure, the leaves turn pretty colors, Halloween is pretty fucking amazing and you don't have to worry about sweating your ass off during the hottest of summer months.

However when i think of fall, i dwell on the more negative side of this wonderful season.

Living in New England has its perks during the summer, fall and spring months. There is always something to do, with all the beaches, going into the city, theme parks and Oktoberfest-ivities this is one of the greatest places to live.

If only i could live here every other season except for winter.

I know it isn't winter yet, but this just brings me to my list of reasons i don't like fall.

1.No more free tans. I cant go outside in my bikini during 60 degree weather and get a tan. I enjoy getting up early just to plop my butt on the warm sandy beach and take a nap for a few hours. I get to relax and wake up with an amazing shade of brown I didn't have to pay for. No tanning beds and fifty dollar monthly packages. Just me, a case of beer, the view and some tanning oil.

2.No more shorts. I'm picky when it comes to clothing, I could care less whats "trendy" or not, ill wear white after labor or before or....whenever the hell they say you aren't supposed to (if i want).
I put on my body what's comfortable, what i think looks good and one of those clothing items is a nice pair of shorts. I can move without worrying about them ripping off or falling down, I seem to have that problem with jeans. Shorts fit me better plus Ive been told i have nice legs. Guys, i know your going to miss seeing the extra skin on girls while they strut there stuff down the streets on warm summer days as well, you can't deny it. Fall comes along and they cover it all up until next year. Savor the moments. I know you do it, because i do.


3.One step closer to freezing. How ever beautiful the change may be from summer to fall, the dying leaves only mean one thing. Winter. Winter is by far my most hated season, ever. I wouldn't be upset if we got rid of it all together. Fall, spring and summer can stay, but winter has got to get the fuck out. Winter means cold, cold means snow, with snow you get ice. Clumsy me enjoys falling on her ass so hard she cant walk for week on this wonderful slippery substance. Cold means heavy coats and having to get up earlier than usual to warm your car in the morning, cold means its time for my hibernation and fifty pound weight gain. How about we just skip all that and go straight to spring. I want to be able to walk outside barefoot, without a huge heavy bubble coat, gloves and boots that soak up more water than keep out.

I want to be able to smell the warm summer breeze and feel the ocean waves at my feet. I guess i wouldn't hate fall so much if Winter didn't exist. Unfortunately it does, and unless i want to move somewhere tropical, which is a huge possibility, I'll just have to suck it up until spring.

Well. Happy October!

At least I can look forward to taking pictures of the leaves, my Halloween party and drawing more pictures like this one!

Fried spiders taste like peanuts

The only thing i like about winter is that all the bugs seem to go into hibernation. No creepy crawlers on the ceiling, walls or floor, none coming from behind or under a couch. My life inside is great! Until spring comes along.

I love more things about spring and summer than i hate, but the one thing i hate about this time of year is a creature that makes my skin curl, my eyes water and chills run up and down my spine. A creature like none other, terrifying and cunning. This many legged being will hide in any corner plan its attack and then WAM! DEAD!...well maybe not really, but any time i feel a tickle or see a spot out of the corner of my eye i automatically fear its an 8 legged black beast.

None other than...the spider. DUN DUN DUN!

Spiders fucking suck. I know they eat all the other bugs and blah blah blah, but i don't care about all the other bugs. All i car about is the spiders. Nothing should have that many legs, the way they crawl...ick, it sickens me just thinking about it. Every time i see one it runs right towards me. They smell my fear! I cant even kill them by myself, what if as soon as i squish the little fucker hes gonna use some magical devil spider-power grow into a giant monster spider killer, crawl out from behind my shoe, go up my leg and EAT MY FACE! 

I like my face just how it is thank you.

You didn't know that spiders growled? Well they do. Its terrifying!

All i want to do is live my life and they are interfering with everything. I try to take a shower, there is one sitting on the shower curtain planning its attack, cook dinner and there is one that comes crawling from behind the toaster oven. CANT YOU ALL JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

I feel like its even worse because my boyfriend and i live in a basement apartment. You know all the creepy crawling critters love to hang out in basements. But they need to find someone else's basement to take over, because if they even think about walking one of there bazillion legs near me, they have a fucking death wish!

Oh and look...it happened again. A page in my book moved, i have a black pen bookmarking the page i last read and of course...i freaked out because i thought it was a spider.

Ugh! stupid stupid stupid! I cant keep going like this, watching my every move, peaking behind every corner, looking at every ceiling so I'm not surprised by a dangling arachnid. I went to go leave my apartment this morning and it took me probably 20 minutes to get the courage to step over the 8 legged creature blocking the doorway. I think he was trying to get me to stay so he could grab his buddies and crawl in my mouth while i take a nap....ew.

My boyfriend read me an interesting fact the other day that fried spiders taste like peanuts. I love peanuts...but i don't want a spider going anywhere near my mouth. That i know of at least. 

It creeps me out knowing that we swallow 7 spiders a year or some shit like that already. Maybe thats why i have nightmares, perhaps they don't crawl in my mouth, maybe they crawl up my nose and into my brain and fuck with my head while I'm sleeping instead. Those conniving little beasts. They really are smarter than they look...and all though most of them are pretty small, at least around here, they are terrifying!

I wouldn't want to live in a place where you have to watch out for tarantulas. And what about camel spiders...THOSE SUCKERS CAN GROW UP TO EIGHT FUCKING INCHES!!! Are you for real?? I would pass out..or die of a heart attack. Guess who isn't going to visit the middle east...ever. Soldiers out there right now, good luck sleeping with those monsters crawling around in the desert. I would have rather that stayed a legend.