Every couple fights.
If they say otherwise its a lie.
Sometimes, it takes a while. The first year my boyfriend and I were together we never fought, we had little tiffs here and there but nothing i would consider a "good" couple fight.
I however, don't know how many couples who fight over the things we fight about.
Things such as, the speed of light.
As i mentioned briefly in my previous blog post, the boyfriend thinks i either broke or bruised his ribs. We'll never really know for sure since he's terrified of the doctors and assures me "They wont do anything if they're broken anyway." So for now, he's just suffering through the pain.
Why did this happen, you ask?
I'm sure immediately some people would think "Maybe they got a little too hot and heavy in the sack." I know about all those dirty minds out there, i would have thought the same thing.
However, I am not that kinky and I'm not entirely sure he is either.
So no my friends. To your disappointment I'm not going to explain in extreme detail how i may have broken my boyfriends ribs during some amazingly strange sexual activity.
Strange because I don't ever see myself breaking body parts during ANY kind of sexual contact, whatsoever.
And amazing because well...
If you've done that before, you must have been really, really....really into it. Kudos
Any who, after a couple of relaxing hours watching Thor and drinking wine I started to think about how cool it would be to travel at the speed of light.
You know.
Visit other planets, see about life in places besides earth. Lets face it, with all the other shit out there we have yet to discover, there's no way the only living and breathing beings are the ones that inhabit this wonderful planet of ours we call earth.
That's when I decide, what a good idea it would be to discuss the topic with my boyfriend!
Probably not such a good idea.
"Well, that isn't gonna happen" he says.
DUH! I know not in our lifetime (as much as i wish), but eventually..why not? They never knew we would be flying airplanes or driving cars a million years ago. That's a few steps in the right direction from the stone ages, isn't it?
All i can think about is the Flintstones and their foot-powered vehicles
So why couldn't someone hundreds of years from now discover a way to travel into space? Without it taking us many years to get to a planet we may not yet know of.
Tom, my boyfriend, then starts going on and on about "The force of gravity ..wua wua wua wua...whiplash .."
ooohh look, there is a shiny light
"and ..wua wua wua wua bladdy bladdy blah."
All this gibberish basically boiled down to what happens to a body in a car that goes from 0 to 60mph in a second. Even if we could figure out how to travel at the speed of light, can we prevent a person from being crushed by the force of an object going from 0mph to 670,616,629mph while we are sitting inside of it? There are such things as seat belts, but that's pretty fucking fast.
However, I don't care about all the "technicalities" of it, I know I'm not going to be the one to do it, but someday an actual intelligent person might come along and figure it out.
Maybe by then, we would have connected with some superior alien being that gives us the technology to build our own space-time machine.
We could be the alien visitors at other planets!
A girl can dream.
Here is where it gets intense, we start spattering on about it for a few minutes when he points his finger directly in my face.
Immediately my mind goes into-snap yo fingers in a zee formation-mode and can't help but retaliate by waving my fingers all up in his face dawg. Being just as easily angered as i am, is where the wrestling match begins.
"Tom pins Kayleigh down as she proceeds to push and kick him repeatedly in the ribs. Trying take control of the madness, he attempts to gain control of her flailing legs. IT DOESNT WORK, SHE BREAKS FREE! He finally realizes this might go to far and...and....
they stop."
With heavy breathing after the unexpected turn of events "Now that was an intense one Bobby!"
Yeah George, I guess no one wins the debate over the speed of light.
I honestly don't know if they even have announcers during wrestling matches.
I haven't watched one since i was about seven but, i imagine if they did, that would be how it went down.
The two of us might be the epitome of a "nerd" couple. I don't know many men and women who get into body-breaking throw downs over traveling more than, or at the speed of light.
He realized how ridiculous this was the next morning when i received an apology text. Even though I'm sure it was as much my fault as his. It usually takes guys a lot longer to comprehend how stupid fights are until way after the woman figures it out.
Whatever, at least he figured it out in the first place. It also helps he still has the ability to make me laugh no matter the situation.
"Are you an enema."
"No, why?
"Because whenever I'm around you i don't feel so shitty."
A rumbling vibration burps out of his ass hole, after a few moments of extreme laughter...
at himself, he informs me
"That's the shittiest pick up line i have"
Oh really?
Thanks a lot for that babe. Your great.
Showing posts with label up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label up. Show all posts
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
My first youtube video of me singing a song.
So ive been wanting to start putting videos of me on youtube singing songs. and this is my first attempt. Im learning to play the piano but im not very good yet so instead you get karaoke style. lol
i edited it a little bit because i messed up on some parts, and it was quick editing so it looks funny. and i get pissed in the middle because i mess up too. haha but thats still in there. i really did have time to edit everything but here you go. Judge me if you'd like. lol
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Conversation between my cats....
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Dear creepy old man, Fuck off!
So here i am at the supermarket on a serious mission for hair spray and contact solution while minding my own business when this 70 something year old man asks me to help in locating the Tylenol for his wife.
No harm in participating in some helpful community service for the nearsighted elderly man right? All he wanted was to find some pain killers for his old wife, probably in pain from arthritis or some shit.
I show him where the Tylenol is, read him the labels so he can choose the best one.
"Well this one is 13 bucks and its the Tylenol extra strength rapid release and there is the regular extra strength but the bottle is smaller for 9 bucks." Thats all they had at the shaws in town we refer to as the "Ghetto shaws". Not much of a selection.
After he picked out his wife's correct medication i continued on my hair spray, contact solution searching journey. And suddenly the wrinkly old man asks, with my back facing him,
"this is some form of birth control isnt it?"
My immediate thoughts..."What the fuck!? Was that a pick up line!?" but sometimes i think before i speak. I was caught by surprise and after a moment of silence i answer with a simple "umm no.."
He looks at me, continuing on this awkward conversation i wasn't prepared to have, and says "What kind of birth control do you use?"
None of your fucking business! your junk probably aint workin right anyway, so why do you give two fucks (no pun intended) about birth control. This conversation was already starting to give me unfortunate and disgusting graphic mental images. Ew.
But being the polite young lady i am, even though in this situation i feel i have the right to be rude to a creepy old man, i answer with "I don't use birth control" At that point i would think he should end the conversation and realize that i use NO form of birth control at this point in my relationship, I wasn't going to go into details, but apparently he wanted to continue on this inappropriate conversation.
I think, to steer away from the current topic for a minute, he asks me where i'm from. I tell him the normal, how i'm not from anywhere but I've lived in this town for a while. He asks me my nationality, i tell him Puerto Rican and he tells me how he was "with" a Puerto Rican in Puerto Rico one time and it was more than interesting. I'm just thankful he didn't go into details...another ew.
After i thought i was safe from even more uncomfortable unwanted chit chat he then tells me "You know, you should think about going on birth control, it'll feel so much better when he doesn't use a condom, trust me."
Does this guy have a vagina i don't know about? I mean i guess its possible, but he was clearly thinking with his dick in aisle 7 and not his vagina. I guess there are some creepy horny lesbians out there too, but for real??
The worst part was that i hadn't even started looking for any items i came there for in the first place, and he was in MY aisle! Out of all aisles he could have been in that day at the supermarket he had to choose mine, and of course i was the only young semi good looking girl in the hygiene aisle that day...why does god curse me this way?? Shouldn't he be thinking that any normal young woman wouldn't be interested in a creepy old man with saggy balls hitting on them while they are shopping for hairspray and contact solution?
I guess the town i live in you wouldn't be to surprised if the guy payed enough money...there are lots of trashy people kickin around here, its kinda sad.
After a few more minutes of awkward conversation while trying to quickly pick out the cheapest products, I lie and say it was nice talking to him and then make my way to the register hoping he doesn't end up in the same line as me. And thank the sweet lord he was not, i didn't have to see him at all!
A perfect ending to a disturbing encounter.
No harm in participating in some helpful community service for the nearsighted elderly man right? All he wanted was to find some pain killers for his old wife, probably in pain from arthritis or some shit.
I show him where the Tylenol is, read him the labels so he can choose the best one.
"Well this one is 13 bucks and its the Tylenol extra strength rapid release and there is the regular extra strength but the bottle is smaller for 9 bucks." Thats all they had at the shaws in town we refer to as the "Ghetto shaws". Not much of a selection.
After he picked out his wife's correct medication i continued on my hair spray, contact solution searching journey. And suddenly the wrinkly old man asks, with my back facing him,
"this is some form of birth control isnt it?"
My immediate thoughts..."What the fuck!? Was that a pick up line!?" but sometimes i think before i speak. I was caught by surprise and after a moment of silence i answer with a simple "umm no.."
He looks at me, continuing on this awkward conversation i wasn't prepared to have, and says "What kind of birth control do you use?"
None of your fucking business! your junk probably aint workin right anyway, so why do you give two fucks (no pun intended) about birth control. This conversation was already starting to give me unfortunate and disgusting graphic mental images. Ew.
But being the polite young lady i am, even though in this situation i feel i have the right to be rude to a creepy old man, i answer with "I don't use birth control" At that point i would think he should end the conversation and realize that i use NO form of birth control at this point in my relationship, I wasn't going to go into details, but apparently he wanted to continue on this inappropriate conversation.
I think, to steer away from the current topic for a minute, he asks me where i'm from. I tell him the normal, how i'm not from anywhere but I've lived in this town for a while. He asks me my nationality, i tell him Puerto Rican and he tells me how he was "with" a Puerto Rican in Puerto Rico one time and it was more than interesting. I'm just thankful he didn't go into details...another ew.
After i thought i was safe from even more uncomfortable unwanted chit chat he then tells me "You know, you should think about going on birth control, it'll feel so much better when he doesn't use a condom, trust me."
Does this guy have a vagina i don't know about? I mean i guess its possible, but he was clearly thinking with his dick in aisle 7 and not his vagina. I guess there are some creepy horny lesbians out there too, but for real??
The worst part was that i hadn't even started looking for any items i came there for in the first place, and he was in MY aisle! Out of all aisles he could have been in that day at the supermarket he had to choose mine, and of course i was the only young semi good looking girl in the hygiene aisle that day...why does god curse me this way?? Shouldn't he be thinking that any normal young woman wouldn't be interested in a creepy old man with saggy balls hitting on them while they are shopping for hairspray and contact solution?
I guess the town i live in you wouldn't be to surprised if the guy payed enough money...there are lots of trashy people kickin around here, its kinda sad.
After a few more minutes of awkward conversation while trying to quickly pick out the cheapest products, I lie and say it was nice talking to him and then make my way to the register hoping he doesn't end up in the same line as me. And thank the sweet lord he was not, i didn't have to see him at all!
A perfect ending to a disturbing encounter.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Not everyone is REALLY Irish on St, Patricks Day.
Anyone who knows me, know i like to drink. A lot. I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic, I could stop if i wanted to (Sounds like your typical alcoholic to me, just take my word for it). And everyone knows St. Patricks day is a big drinking holiday, those Irish sure know how to keep it down. But me...im no Irish, not even a little, but they say everyone is Irish on St. Pattys Day. That magical day where everyone to gets together, dressed in green. Green shirts, Green beads, Green glasses, Green clover stickers on your face. Its the time for boiled dinners, corned beef and cabbage. Ew. Irish car bombs and green beer!! Yum!
So I start off my day at work, I work at a Mexican restaurant...cuz everyone wants to eat Mexican and drink margaritas on an Irish holiday! (Yeah right) I'm probably one of the few. I'm a picky eater though, so i guess it makes a little sense. I think i had a total of 5 tables that day, one of them included my family, so they don't really count. I made decent money for the amount of tables i had and i was out early which was good. I started drinking before my shift even ended, those are always the good nights.
Around 9pm my boyfriend comes to meet me for a few discounted/free drinks at work. An hour later after a margarita, a grey goose and red bull, some fancy drink with tequila in it (my fav) and a Tequila shot, we head on down to the bars with my boyfriend and some friends from work. I meet up with some of my other friends order a vodka cranberry and orange juice and this is when my night starts to get a little foggy. I remember ordering one more drink (I think) and talking to my friends about this girls sleepover i want to have with pretty drinks, PJs, movies and facials. (Sounds fun right?) Then i remember going outside for a cigarette, defending one my friend (lets call her Mary) whose other (we'll call her Jane) ruined her chances with this guy she thought was cute. I told Jane that she was a bad friend and that she ruined it for Mary because the guy told me he was interested but that Jane was making it awkward for him.
FLASH FORWARD: NEXT MORNING
Still drunk from the night before I'm woken up way to early to be alive when you are hung over not remembering how i even got home. My phone is blowing up with text messages from my boyfriend who leaves for work at 630am. God bless him, because i am far from a morning person. I go to the bathroom, wonder why there is a blanket on the floor, do my business, lay back in bed and open up my phone to see a text message saying "Good morning sunshine" and a video attached to it.
Oh Great....leave it to my boyfriend to capture all the ridiculousness that is me.
So i watch this video and begin to remember throwing up the night before. But when i heard myself explaining to my boyfriend why i was lying on the floor, i recall it sounding completely different in my drunken state. I thought i was telling him that i had the spins and couldn't get up off the floor that second, but apparently it was just mumbling. Oops.
Then i talk to my best friend (we'll call her Shirley) who I remember seeing once and introducing to my new work friends, but she said i saw her more than that. She also informed me of my argument with Jane, she told me i kept repeating myself over and over and over again, which i do sometimes, or a lot when i have consumed enough alcohol, while stumbling over. Shirley said she was standing behind Jane laughing while looking at my boyfriend seeing if he would get me to stop. He didn't. So i kept going.
Then finally we left after my boyfriend told me he bribed me not to continue the bar hopping extravaganza with 7-11 breakfast sammiches. (YUM!) You don't have to ask me twice! We got home i stumbled around, sat down took a bite of my delicious egg sandwich and said "I think im gonna go throw this up now". And the video above is the aftermath. Come to find out when he took this video it was only between 11 and midnight. Amazing how drunk you can get in only a few hours. After an hour of trying to help me back to reality he decides to give up around 1am and give me a blanket to make myself comfortable on the bathroom floor. Since i woke up in my bed i assume i eventually was able to move my legs and make my way into the bedroom.
Along with taking this video he also took a wonderful picture of me and posted it on Facebook titled: Not everyone is REALLY Irish on St. Pattys Day.
So I start off my day at work, I work at a Mexican restaurant...cuz everyone wants to eat Mexican and drink margaritas on an Irish holiday! (Yeah right) I'm probably one of the few. I'm a picky eater though, so i guess it makes a little sense. I think i had a total of 5 tables that day, one of them included my family, so they don't really count. I made decent money for the amount of tables i had and i was out early which was good. I started drinking before my shift even ended, those are always the good nights.
Around 9pm my boyfriend comes to meet me for a few discounted/free drinks at work. An hour later after a margarita, a grey goose and red bull, some fancy drink with tequila in it (my fav) and a Tequila shot, we head on down to the bars with my boyfriend and some friends from work. I meet up with some of my other friends order a vodka cranberry and orange juice and this is when my night starts to get a little foggy. I remember ordering one more drink (I think) and talking to my friends about this girls sleepover i want to have with pretty drinks, PJs, movies and facials. (Sounds fun right?) Then i remember going outside for a cigarette, defending one my friend (lets call her Mary) whose other (we'll call her Jane) ruined her chances with this guy she thought was cute. I told Jane that she was a bad friend and that she ruined it for Mary because the guy told me he was interested but that Jane was making it awkward for him.
FLASH FORWARD: NEXT MORNING
Still drunk from the night before I'm woken up way to early to be alive when you are hung over not remembering how i even got home. My phone is blowing up with text messages from my boyfriend who leaves for work at 630am. God bless him, because i am far from a morning person. I go to the bathroom, wonder why there is a blanket on the floor, do my business, lay back in bed and open up my phone to see a text message saying "Good morning sunshine" and a video attached to it.
Oh Great....leave it to my boyfriend to capture all the ridiculousness that is me.
So i watch this video and begin to remember throwing up the night before. But when i heard myself explaining to my boyfriend why i was lying on the floor, i recall it sounding completely different in my drunken state. I thought i was telling him that i had the spins and couldn't get up off the floor that second, but apparently it was just mumbling. Oops.
Then i talk to my best friend (we'll call her Shirley) who I remember seeing once and introducing to my new work friends, but she said i saw her more than that. She also informed me of my argument with Jane, she told me i kept repeating myself over and over and over again, which i do sometimes, or a lot when i have consumed enough alcohol, while stumbling over. Shirley said she was standing behind Jane laughing while looking at my boyfriend seeing if he would get me to stop. He didn't. So i kept going.
Then finally we left after my boyfriend told me he bribed me not to continue the bar hopping extravaganza with 7-11 breakfast sammiches. (YUM!) You don't have to ask me twice! We got home i stumbled around, sat down took a bite of my delicious egg sandwich and said "I think im gonna go throw this up now". And the video above is the aftermath. Come to find out when he took this video it was only between 11 and midnight. Amazing how drunk you can get in only a few hours. After an hour of trying to help me back to reality he decides to give up around 1am and give me a blanket to make myself comfortable on the bathroom floor. Since i woke up in my bed i assume i eventually was able to move my legs and make my way into the bedroom.
Along with taking this video he also took a wonderful picture of me and posted it on Facebook titled: Not everyone is REALLY Irish on St. Pattys Day.
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