Coolest people on the block

We pride ourselves in being a classy couple.

If you didn't already notice. I'm wearing a trash bag. Now that's what i call a sense of style. 

Your Jeff Goldblum impression made me laugh so hard i peed my pants.

I've been watching a lot of my favorite comedies lately, so i decided i would share a few with you guys. Here are a few of my favs, and some scenes that keep me laughing. I couldn't get all the ones i wanted because i couldn't find some parts on YouTube and that's the only way i know how to get the video for it. Any who, Enjoy!

Superbad

Stepbrothers

The Hangover

Pineapple Express

Grandmas Boy

What are some of you favorite funny movies?

Fuck your life...

Does anyone else get as aggravated as i do about the whole FML deal ?? Anyone ever bothered to check out the ridiculousness that goes on at fmylife.com?

If you haven't, you should, because these peoples lives suck so bad that they decide to "fuck" their life over a broken pencil, and I'm sure they don't want to fuck their lives in a sexual way unless farts turn you on.

Seriously? My boyfriend farts about every ten seconds, and half the time he thinks its going to be funny when he pulls one of these...

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That noise...was that..a duck?" sticks his ass on some part of my body and proceeds to let out a loud, rumbling, quack.

From his ass hole.

Do i then get the urge to go on fmylife.com and say "My boyfriend decided to fart on me today for the fifth time. FML"?

No.

Really? 

I think you need to have a talk with your wife, I've heard of the Oedipus complex but I'm pretty sure it's when a small child fantasizes about their mother or father while they are to young to know better. Not when the mother screams their child's name during sexual activity. 

That's just disturbing, this one might be a real FML because i wouldn't be to excited if i knew my husband was getting off on thinking about our kids while he's inside me.  Ew. 

Someone needs to call child services.

Then we have this person. 

His life is obviously good enough to own a GPS, he owns a car that i assume he is driving with said GPS and every computer has its glitches. So just because your GPS wasn't working and unless your destination involved a life or death situation then i would say

call someone with your cell phone. 

If you have a GPS im sure you have a cell phone, dial a number, have someone google it and you'll find your way, dumb ass.

The sky isn't falling and you haven't been hit by a truck in the middle of this highway, so I'm pretty sure you're fine. Your obviously well enough to post this on a website, so fuck off,  i don't care that you hate your life because your stupid GPS wasn't working correctly.

Every now and then you run into the more entertaining rather than annoying posts such as this one.

Obviously this child has some anger issues that this person as a babysitter should feel obligated to talk to the parents about. Or he is just five years old and plays to many violent video games, who knows these days. 

Kids are crazy.

If i were this person, i would use this as an opportunity for a fucking awesome story, because this is more funny than sad.

If a five year old told me he was going to chop my nuts off, i would first laugh, because I am fortunate enough to not own a pair of testicles.

Second, i would take the knife away. He's five and shouldn't have had access to a knife in the first place.

Then i would find some light sabers and challenge him to a duel.

Winner gets ice cream before dinner. 

Loser, goes to bed right after diner.

We all know how that would end.

Here is a good example of an annoying FML. 

At least you got your exercise today, so when you aren't fat anymore you'll feel confident enough to run outside. That is, if you don't give up before then.

However, if you had decided to run outside people would know that you weren't a lazy fuck. For all we know, you are, but since you decided to exercise in secret no one will ever know. There is no proof that you finally decided to get yourself in shape, did you think about that??

Not judging, I try and keep away from exercising at all costs.

If i ever did decide it would be a good idea to go for a run around town, i would die before i reached the end of my street. 

I blame it on my asthma, but i know if i got in shape it wouldn't be a problem.

To sum up this story, FML pisses me off. I don't care that you think your life sucks because you stubbed your toe this morning and then a bird shit on your head. 

Its good luck.

So they say. 

Once i start seeing posts like "I didn't have enough money to feed my family today FML." then ill stop wanting to punch every person who uses it in the face, but until that day comes i'll be here reading the many Fuck My Lifes of facebook and twitter.

Sidenote: I leave for florida in 5 hours! So I wont be posting until i get back, but if you want to know what im up to you can always check out my twitter! <3 Ill talk to you guys when i get back! <3

My first youtube video of me singing a song.

So ive been wanting to start putting videos of me on youtube singing songs. and this is my first attempt. Im learning to play the piano but im not very good yet so instead you get karaoke style. lol

i edited it a little bit because i messed up on some parts, and it was quick editing so it looks funny. and i get pissed in the middle because i mess up too. haha but thats still in there. i really did have time to edit everything but here you go. Judge me if you'd like. lol

Its about a baby.

So one of my best friends decided that she was going to make me the godmother of her child, so naturally, since she is only a couple weeks away from her due date, im fucking pumped! 

I made this video specifically telling her to get her move on, and push that fucking baby out! 

You can find my main dance partner at youtube.com/patt311

Conversation between my cats....

My cats think they're funny. But they aren't this is what they have done many times to wake me up in the morning/afternoon. If its before 12pm dont bother...unless you have a Rockstar Lemonade and a medium iced extra milk extra splenda waiting for me on my nightstand...it aint happenin.

I want your terrible romance

Here is my boyfriend and our friend Rob doing what they do best, with Tom's (My boyfriend) New bday present. None other than the wonderful and beautiful Lady Gag Gag! 

Enjoy.

Roller-coasters, snipers, Asians and beat box prodigy

For a while I used to dream every night. They were never good dreams, or funny dreams, they were the type of dreams where i would wake up soaked in tears and sweat. (Not the good dreams) I would always die or someone was always trying to kill me.

They say if you die in a dream then you die in real life? Bull shit! I've watched myself die several times in my fucked up nightmares. Its not exactly something i looked forward to every night.

To my surprise and relief my nightmares started going away, in fact I wouldn't dream at all. Or if i did it was nothing worth remembering which is fine with me. Id rather have no dreams at all than terrifying horror stories every night.

But the other night a dream finally came to me...and it was probably one of the strangest dreams yet. Lets talk about it.

It all starts off at this party a friend of mine from work is throwing, we are all playing beer pong, havin a great time drinking and all that fun stuff. Dancing, music, ya know, the norm. Two of the girls left the party earlier than everyone else shortly after and me and my boyfriend made our way over to six flags.

Im telling you, this dream is pretty fucking random.

This six flags was not the normal six flags new england im used to. They had this ridiculously awesome roller coaster that hugs the side of a mountain and the best part about this ride is once you get to the top you have the most beautiful view of boston. So of course i was ready and willing to wait in line for this one. Luckily the line wasn't long and we were on the rollercoaster in no time.

They didnt have enough seats for me, and i didnt want to have to wait for the next cart to come so i decided it would be a great idea just to hang onto the bars of the seat my boyfriend was sitting in. (im terrified of heights, even in my dream) I dont know why i thought it would be okay, but the people working the line didnt seem to care so whats the big deal right?

Once im latched onto the bars of his car i realize that i was an idiot and we are WAY to high up! Suddenly we get to the view of Boston and my boyfriend is screaming at me to turn my head away from the mountain so i can see how awesome it is, but instead i start crying with my head buried into my arm as we go through the last twist and turns of ride.

I dont remember exactly how we ended up at a mall after six flags, but thats where we were random. But in the hallways of the mall there was a party going on. Shot girls handing out free shooters, cocktail waitressing giving you your favorite free beers...It was heaven in a mall. There was music, dancing, everyone was having a great time.

I decide to grab my drink and take a look around, thats when i get to the area that changed it all.

In the mall there was a huge room surrounded by glass windows, the kind of windows that make the building look like there are no walls to keep you from falling off the edge. It also doubled as a classroom full of elementary school students who were all on the ground with there hands covering there heads and before i can realize what the fuck is going on i hear someone yell "GET DOWN!"

I immediately drop to the floor and when i glance up i realize, in the windows, we are surrounded by Asian snipers and they are all pointing at me.

I start screaming "Please don't kill me! I don't want to die!" not knowing why they want to kill me in the first place. I hear voices from all different directions telling me to do this and do that when all i want is to get the fuck out of there. Who wants to be surrounded by a bunch of crazy ninja assassin people? Even though im not even sure ninjas would need snipers. But im just throwing the typical asian stereotype out there. You didnt know all asians are ninjas?


Finally I think to myself that at least if i die trying to escape, id know id tried. I slowly back up and book it to hide behind a corner and get back into the party hallway.


I made it! I guess dream me is just way to quick for asian snipers to handle, but once i get back into the party hallway everyone is mean muggin me. Its like the party stopped just to stare...I mean take a picture! its lasts longer, gawsh.

I look at everyone all at once and scream "What the fuck is going on and why is everyone staring at me!?"

"Your the one" whispers a voice in background

"Im the what?"....still confused here people!!!

"Its you, your the one they want! You dont know who you are and what your are capable of. Do you even know anything about your past?"  A man says. okay...now we are getting somewhere

"Apparently not, can you tell me?" I try to ask politely but the snipers outside the building trying to kill me are making it a little hard to stay calm.

And here is where it gets good

"You are the only living relative of a beat box prodigy. And they cant let you fulfill your destiny."

BAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

"What!?! I don't even know how to beat box." I answer in complete confusion.

"Well, you like to sing right?" says the man

"yeah. So."

"Well it all starts there, and then suddenly you have talents you never knew you had"

----------------------------------------------------

It was definitely one of the most bizarre dreams ive had in a while. And ive had some pretty strange dreams.

Have you heard me beat box before?

Here is a little sample of my beat-boxing skills. Im pretty fab,

Short and not so sweet

I was going to write this blog about the cunty mc douche face i work with that makes me run around for him at the price of zero dollars. Fuck that.

But as i re read what i wrote i realized (some unintentional alliteration there) that i sounded like a broke psycho (I am..but thats not the point)

Sometimes life just isn't fair...and I'm unfortunately going to either have to stick it out and wait (If i don't end up walking out first), or find a new job. 

Well I'm off to pay 40 bucks i don't have on getting Tips certified online now, for the job i hate.

Wish me luck! 

And here is a little happiness to brighten your day.

and hopefully mine.

This never gets old and always makes me smile

<---New signature thingymabobber. Thought it would be a cute addition to my blog.