Coolest people on the block

We pride ourselves in being a classy couple.

If you didn't already notice. I'm wearing a trash bag. Now that's what i call a sense of style. 

I wish it was cool to pee your pants

Babies pee their pants all the time, and its awesome.

Mom and dad are happy everything is going well with the child's digestive system, wipes his/her ass clean, covers it with all kinds of yummy smelling baby products and goes on with their day until the next time they relieve themselves.

The memories i wish we could keep forever.

I would love to see the look on my mothers face as she wipes my shitty butt when suddenly a pile of chocolate colored mush comes slowing gushing out of my anus while she is about to put a clean diaper on.  

Those were the fun times, I'm sure.


Mom, have i ever told you how much i love you for cleaning up my bathroom mess while i was incapable?

Im pretty sure i was so lazy that i milked the "I cant wipe myself" phase for as long as i could.

It's so much easier not having to go through the process of washing your hands and the sanitizing routine your parents taught you as a child. Its just to much damn work!

When someone else does it for you there's no worry about whether or not you have some feces residue lingering under a finger nail or something.

As a baby you can even leak diarrhea through your diaper in the middle of a restaurant and someone will still make you try and give them a high five, babies giving high fives are the cutest things ever. I've witnessed it.

I made a kid give me a high five today after he picked his nose. It was awesome.

Gotta love germs. Booger germs, apparently are worse than pee germs. I still don't believe it.

I think its an urban legend and myth busters should test it out.

Suddenly this all changes when your an adult, and its no longer acceptable just to relieve yourself anywhere. I don't agree with this, peeing your pants should be cool.

We can leave the leaky diarrhea bum for the toilets however.

If I'm relaxing on the couch watching a movie I don't want to get up when I have the sudden urge to pee. I need to have the ability to sit and enjoy an entire movie without interruption.

Especially since my DVD player is broken and cant pause. That's when I end up missing crucial scenes and start asking my boyfriend whats going on over and over and over again.

I'm sure it gets annoying after a while.

I would want to punch me in the face if i were him. But we all know where that would lead...broken ribs.

Then there are the cold winter nights snuggled comfy and cozy in bed, the most comfortable I've been in forever, when my bladder suddenly feels its going into a volcanic eruption. I don't want to move and start to consider letting it all out on the covers.

But I cant.

I don't think my boyfriend wants a golden shower either. I do consider others feelings sometimes.

I make my journey to the bathroom, waste five minutes of my life, get back in bed and try to get into that amazingly comfortable position I will never discover again.

If it wasn't unacceptable, i would have sunk in a pile of pee until morning.

And those times when I'm at the bar...

After my third or fourth tequila cranberry and pinneapple, its time to break the seal. In the process of trying to be an adult and not urinate on the floor, I head to the stalls. One problem, all the other girls in the bar decided it would be a good idea to do the same.

Thirty minutes later, I miss last call and almost pee my pants anyway. What good did that bring?

This may be why i usually choose to let it flow outdoors.

In bank parking lots, on deuschy neighbors rugs, in the shower....

why not kill two birds with one stone? 

Peeing in the shower is awesome, it preserves an extra ten seconds of my life. Then I can use that extra time to floss my teeth.

Dental hygiene matters people!


All of this might just prove how truly lazy i am.

In my defense though...

I try and keep myself busy.

I'm not one of those people who can sit still.

Serving in a restaurant never gives you the time to be lazy anyhow. Take your eyes off a table for one second and depending on how needy the costumer is, it might cost you your twenty percent tip.

Its fucked up that some people don't even let you take a minute just to piss.

During these times is when i wish it was cool to pee your pants.

That way, i could go on taking orders from tables in my pee pants and everything would be alright. I heard that pee is sterile anyway so it wouldn't be violating any cleanliness rules. People can drink others peoples pee and be fine right?

Okayy.. I just grossed myself out right there

But if other people weren't so damn picky about how fast, or even sometimes, how slow they want their service I wouldn't feel the need to make peeing my pants cool.

We should start a movement. A pee your pants movement. Lets turn heads and change the world! All you gotta do is pee your pants!

Dear high school me

my first car

When you're in high school, you're still finding yourself.

High school, for me, wasn't about the classroom learning experience, because i seriously think the only thing i really learned in high school was how to sneak in shots of Captain Morgans in between classes. Me and the Capt aren't on speaking terms anymore. High school was more about learning who I was and am as a person.

getting ready for prom

Growing up people were never particularly nice to me, and it was hard to make friends since i moved around so much and didn't really know how. Especially since i figured there was no point in trying to make friends if we were just going to move again. Unfortunately, my brother and I ended up staying in the same high school for all four years. My brother had made friends from when he lived in the same town in 6th grade, so when we came into town he already knew people, i knew no one. 

Plus he got involved with sports and such so he made friends much easier and faster than I. 

I'm also not the most trusting person so if anyone would try and talk to me, i'd pretty much give them a fuck off kind of attitude and who wants to be friends with someone like that? 

Well my friends did, and that's why they are still around...i guess.

Any who, lets get on with this letter..

Dear high school self,

            

Chorus uniform

               When you're a freshman and you get asked the senior prom by your number one crush, try and not drink so much at the after party. Still however make the decision to not have sex, you are way to young and I've always been proud of the fact that your cherry never popped until you were 18. Congrats, its a rare thing these days. 

Also remember that boys aren't everything, i know you have never been the girl in the playground thinking boys had cooties, but how about you focus on your own life before having to worry about getting involved in someone else's life. Always remember heartbreak happens but you will eventually get over it, it might take years, but listen to your friends and family when they tell you, your making the wrong decision. I know now how right some of them were. That boy was a meat-head, it wasn't your father just being a father.

Try not getting drunk during the walk to school at 7am. You might actually learn something. 

I look the same as i did then

When you make a few besties that had just come out of the mental institution, you probably shouldn't lie to your mom and tell her you are sleeping at a friends house to go to a party with said friends. It doesn't end well, you would have been better off just sitting at home watching Dark Angel. I know how much you love Jessica Alba.

Last but not least, you should take a deep breath, calm your nerves and try out for the school play or that solo you've always wanted. You never know what you can achieve if you don't try, you most likely would have done a better job than most of the soloists chosen anyway.

Most of all, just have fun and enjoy yourself, but try and stay out of trouble, its never any good for anyone. Especially you.

p.s. The lady that lives upstairs is going to snitch on you for sneaking out at night and smoking butts out your window. 

                             Love

                               Older and more experienced you.

Idea inspired by Andrea! Thanks! <3

I want your terrible romance

Here is my boyfriend and our friend Rob doing what they do best, with Tom's (My boyfriend) New bday present. None other than the wonderful and beautiful Lady Gag Gag! 

Enjoy.