Thats the shittiest pick up line i have.

Every couple fights.

If they say otherwise its a lie.

Sometimes, it takes a while. The first year my boyfriend and I were together we never fought, we had little tiffs here and there but nothing i would consider a "good" couple fight.

I however, don't know how many couples who fight over the things we fight about.

Things such as, the speed of light.

As i mentioned briefly in my previous blog post, the boyfriend thinks i either broke or bruised his ribs. We'll never really know for sure since he's terrified of the doctors and assures me "They wont do anything if they're broken anyway." So for now, he's just suffering through the pain.

Why did this happen, you ask?

I'm sure immediately some people would think "Maybe they got a little too hot and heavy in the sack." I know about all those dirty minds out there, i would have thought the same thing.

However, I am not that kinky and I'm not entirely sure he is either.

So no my friends. To your disappointment I'm not going to explain in extreme detail how i may have broken my boyfriends ribs during some amazingly strange sexual activity.  

Strange because I don't ever see myself breaking body parts during ANY kind of sexual contact, whatsoever.

And amazing because well...

If you've done that before, you must have been really, really....really into it.  Kudos

Any who, after a couple of relaxing hours watching Thor and drinking wine I started to think about how cool it would be to travel at the speed of light.  

You know.

Visit other planets, see about life in places besides earth. Lets face it, with all the other shit out there we have yet to discover, there's no way the only living and breathing beings are the ones that inhabit this wonderful planet of ours we call earth.

That's when I decide, what a good idea it would be to discuss the topic with my boyfriend!

Probably not such a good idea.

"Well, that isn't gonna happen" he says.

DUH! I know not in our lifetime (as much as i wish), but eventually..why not? They never knew we would be flying airplanes or driving cars a million years ago.  That's a few steps in the right direction from the stone ages, isn't it?

All i can think about is the Flintstones and their foot-powered vehicles

So why couldn't someone hundreds of years from now discover a way to travel into space? Without it taking us many years to get to a planet we may not yet know of.

Tom, my boyfriend, then starts going on and on about "The force of gravity ..wua wua wua wua...whiplash .."

ooohh look, there is a shiny light

"and ..wua wua wua wua bladdy bladdy blah."

All this gibberish basically boiled down to what happens to a body in a car that goes from 0 to 60mph in a second. Even if we could figure out how to travel at the speed of light, can we prevent a person from being crushed by the force of an object going from 0mph to 670,616,629mph while we are sitting inside of it? There are such things as seat belts, but that's pretty fucking fast.

However, I don't care about all the "technicalities" of it, I know I'm not going to be the one to do it, but someday an actual intelligent person might come along and figure it out.

Maybe by then, we would have connected with some superior alien being that gives us the technology to build our own space-time machine.

We could be the alien visitors at other planets!

A girl can dream.

Here is where it gets intense, we start spattering on about it for a few minutes when he points his finger directly in my face.

Immediately my mind goes into-snap yo fingers in a zee formation-mode and can't help but retaliate by waving my fingers all up in his face dawg. Being just as easily angered as i am, is where the wrestling match begins.

"Tom pins Kayleigh down as she proceeds to push and kick him repeatedly in the ribs. Trying take control of the madness, he attempts to gain control of her flailing legs. IT DOESNT WORK, SHE BREAKS FREE! He finally realizes this might go to far and...and....

they stop."


With heavy breathing after the unexpected turn of events "Now that was an intense one Bobby!"

Yeah George, I guess no one wins the debate over the speed of light.

I honestly don't know if they even have announcers during wrestling matches.

I haven't watched one since i was about seven but, i imagine if they did, that would be how it went down.

The two of us might be the epitome of a "nerd" couple. I don't know many men and women who get into body-breaking throw downs over traveling more than, or at the speed of light.

He realized how ridiculous this was the next morning when i received an apology text. Even though I'm sure it was as much  my fault as his. It usually takes guys a lot longer to comprehend how stupid fights are until way after the woman figures it out.

Whatever, at least he figured it out in the first place. It also helps he still has the ability to make me laugh no matter the situation.

"Are you an enema."

"No, why?

"Because whenever I'm around you i don't feel so shitty."

A rumbling vibration burps out of his ass hole, after a few moments of extreme laughter...

at himself, he informs me

"That's the shittiest pick up line i have"

Oh really?

Thanks a lot for that babe. Your great.

Dear creepy old man, Fuck off!

So here i am at the supermarket on a serious mission for hair spray and contact solution while minding my own business when this 70 something year old man asks me to help in locating the Tylenol for his wife.

No harm in participating in some helpful community service for the nearsighted elderly man right? All he wanted was to find some pain killers for his old wife, probably in pain from arthritis or some shit.

I show him where the Tylenol is, read him the labels so he can choose the best one.

"Well this one is 13 bucks and its the Tylenol extra strength rapid release and there is the regular extra strength but the bottle is smaller for 9 bucks." Thats all they had at the shaws in town we refer to as the "Ghetto shaws". Not much of a selection.

After he picked out his wife's correct medication i continued on my hair spray, contact solution searching journey. And suddenly the wrinkly old man asks, with my back facing him,

"this is some form of birth control isnt it?"

My immediate thoughts..."What the fuck!? Was that a pick up line!?" but sometimes i think before i speak. I was caught by surprise and after a moment of silence i answer with a simple "umm no.."

He looks at me, continuing on this awkward conversation i wasn't prepared to have, and says "What kind of birth control do you use?"

None of your fucking business! your junk probably aint workin right anyway, so why do you give two fucks (no pun intended) about birth control. This conversation was already starting to give me unfortunate and disgusting graphic mental images. Ew.

But being the polite young lady i am, even though in this situation i feel i have the right to be rude to a creepy old man, i answer with "I don't use birth control" At that point i would think he should end the conversation and realize that i use NO form of birth control at this point in my relationship, I wasn't going to go into details, but apparently he wanted to continue on this inappropriate conversation.

I think, to steer away from the current topic for a minute, he asks me where i'm from. I tell him the normal, how i'm not from anywhere but I've lived in this town for a while. He asks me my nationality, i tell him Puerto Rican and he tells me how he was "with" a Puerto Rican in Puerto Rico one time and it was more than interesting. I'm just thankful he didn't go into details...another ew.


After i thought i was safe from even more uncomfortable unwanted chit chat he then tells me "You know, you should think about going on birth control, it'll feel so much better when he doesn't use a condom, trust me."

Does this guy have a vagina i don't know about? I mean i guess its possible, but he was clearly thinking with his dick in aisle 7 and not his vagina. I guess there are some creepy horny lesbians out there too, but for real??

The worst part was that i hadn't even started looking for any items i came there for in the first place, and he was in MY aisle! Out of all aisles he could have been in that day at the supermarket he had to choose mine, and of course i was the only young semi good looking girl in the hygiene aisle that day...why does god curse me this way?? Shouldn't he be thinking that any normal young woman wouldn't be interested in a creepy old man with saggy balls hitting on them while they are shopping for hairspray and contact solution?

I guess the town i live in you wouldn't be to surprised if the guy payed enough money...there are lots of trashy people kickin around here, its kinda sad.

After a few more minutes of awkward conversation while trying to quickly pick out the cheapest products, I lie and say it was nice talking to him and then make my way to the register hoping he doesn't end up in the same line as me. And thank the sweet lord he was not, i didn't have to see him at all!

A perfect ending to a disturbing encounter.