New idea: Stay at home girlfriend.

Every day i find myself not wanting to work. I love waitressing and having a significant amount of money in my pocket from just one nights work, but i would honestly rather be home.

Desk jobs don't suit me, I need to be moving around and make myself feel productive. I get bored so those jobs never last over a year.

This is why i have a new dream. A dream of being a stay at home girlfriend.

Most people i talk to always say the idea of not working seems great, for a while, but in the long run would end up missing it.

Fuck that!

I would never miss it.

Picture coming home from a long days work. All you want to do is relax and not have to worry about anything. Leave all your work troubles behind. And you can!

Doesn't it sound like you would be living the dream too?

I cant go bragging about my organization skills or willingness to clean, but who wants to do more work when they get home? Or in my case, before i go into work.

The only activity I have motivation for before work is drinking. Tequila shots? Why not? It can only make me happier. Who doesn't love a friendly waitress?

If I was to be a stay at home girlfriend I would get out of bed early, drink some coffee and get to being all domesticated and shit.

Wash and fold the laundry, clean the dishes, and the house from top to bottom. You will get distracted by how sparkly, shiny, clean our apartment is. By the time my boyfriend gets home he won't have to worry about a thing.

He could sit and play nerd games while i cook him dinner and prepare a nice healthy lunch for his next hard day at work. Delivering him energy drinks and even grocery shop, by myself. 

I wont even get into what happens to me at the grocery store right now. 
That's a whole other blog post.

Wouldnt it be nice? Nice to come home and not have to worry about stressing yourself out with household chores? Its like having your own personal maid you get to have sex with? How would you lose out on that deal?

And we could make time for those cheesy couple dinner parties you see on television. Ive always wanted to do that but just never had the time. 

My boyfriend gets out of work, brings me to work and then by the time i get home all we both want to do is sleep. Our alternating schedules suck. This plan will help us spend quality couple time with each other and in the long run only better our relationship.

Maybe it would even give me some time to better myself as a photographer and help the cash flow getting paid for something I would do for free anyway.

Oooh the possibilities.

Now only to pitch it to the BF and hopes he sees it through my eyes.

He always says a woman's place is in the kitchen. Now he can have his damn sammich ready and waiting, to put all of its deliciousness in his mouth.

Thats the shittiest pick up line i have.

Every couple fights.

If they say otherwise its a lie.

Sometimes, it takes a while. The first year my boyfriend and I were together we never fought, we had little tiffs here and there but nothing i would consider a "good" couple fight.

I however, don't know how many couples who fight over the things we fight about.

Things such as, the speed of light.

As i mentioned briefly in my previous blog post, the boyfriend thinks i either broke or bruised his ribs. We'll never really know for sure since he's terrified of the doctors and assures me "They wont do anything if they're broken anyway." So for now, he's just suffering through the pain.

Why did this happen, you ask?

I'm sure immediately some people would think "Maybe they got a little too hot and heavy in the sack." I know about all those dirty minds out there, i would have thought the same thing.

However, I am not that kinky and I'm not entirely sure he is either.

So no my friends. To your disappointment I'm not going to explain in extreme detail how i may have broken my boyfriends ribs during some amazingly strange sexual activity.  

Strange because I don't ever see myself breaking body parts during ANY kind of sexual contact, whatsoever.

And amazing because well...

If you've done that before, you must have been really, really....really into it.  Kudos

Any who, after a couple of relaxing hours watching Thor and drinking wine I started to think about how cool it would be to travel at the speed of light.  

You know.

Visit other planets, see about life in places besides earth. Lets face it, with all the other shit out there we have yet to discover, there's no way the only living and breathing beings are the ones that inhabit this wonderful planet of ours we call earth.

That's when I decide, what a good idea it would be to discuss the topic with my boyfriend!

Probably not such a good idea.

"Well, that isn't gonna happen" he says.

DUH! I know not in our lifetime (as much as i wish), but eventually..why not? They never knew we would be flying airplanes or driving cars a million years ago.  That's a few steps in the right direction from the stone ages, isn't it?

All i can think about is the Flintstones and their foot-powered vehicles

So why couldn't someone hundreds of years from now discover a way to travel into space? Without it taking us many years to get to a planet we may not yet know of.

Tom, my boyfriend, then starts going on and on about "The force of gravity ..wua wua wua wua...whiplash .."

ooohh look, there is a shiny light

"and ..wua wua wua wua bladdy bladdy blah."

All this gibberish basically boiled down to what happens to a body in a car that goes from 0 to 60mph in a second. Even if we could figure out how to travel at the speed of light, can we prevent a person from being crushed by the force of an object going from 0mph to 670,616,629mph while we are sitting inside of it? There are such things as seat belts, but that's pretty fucking fast.

However, I don't care about all the "technicalities" of it, I know I'm not going to be the one to do it, but someday an actual intelligent person might come along and figure it out.

Maybe by then, we would have connected with some superior alien being that gives us the technology to build our own space-time machine.

We could be the alien visitors at other planets!

A girl can dream.

Here is where it gets intense, we start spattering on about it for a few minutes when he points his finger directly in my face.

Immediately my mind goes into-snap yo fingers in a zee formation-mode and can't help but retaliate by waving my fingers all up in his face dawg. Being just as easily angered as i am, is where the wrestling match begins.

"Tom pins Kayleigh down as she proceeds to push and kick him repeatedly in the ribs. Trying take control of the madness, he attempts to gain control of her flailing legs. IT DOESNT WORK, SHE BREAKS FREE! He finally realizes this might go to far and...and....

they stop."


With heavy breathing after the unexpected turn of events "Now that was an intense one Bobby!"

Yeah George, I guess no one wins the debate over the speed of light.

I honestly don't know if they even have announcers during wrestling matches.

I haven't watched one since i was about seven but, i imagine if they did, that would be how it went down.

The two of us might be the epitome of a "nerd" couple. I don't know many men and women who get into body-breaking throw downs over traveling more than, or at the speed of light.

He realized how ridiculous this was the next morning when i received an apology text. Even though I'm sure it was as much  my fault as his. It usually takes guys a lot longer to comprehend how stupid fights are until way after the woman figures it out.

Whatever, at least he figured it out in the first place. It also helps he still has the ability to make me laugh no matter the situation.

"Are you an enema."

"No, why?

"Because whenever I'm around you i don't feel so shitty."

A rumbling vibration burps out of his ass hole, after a few moments of extreme laughter...

at himself, he informs me

"That's the shittiest pick up line i have"

Oh really?

Thanks a lot for that babe. Your great.

Your clouding my aura...

So not to sound like a complete hippy chick, but I'm probably going to for a few moments here.

I feed off peoples energies.

If there is to much bad shit surrounding me, I don't have enough strength to fight it off so eventually its going to change my mood.

That's not okay.

I want to attract good energy, good people, good feelings, I love nothing more in my life than being happy.

The best times always come when you can keep a smile on your face. I want to surround myself with people who give off....good vibrations.

"Its such a good vibration, its such a sweeeet sensatioooonnn."  I'm going to have that song stuck in my head for days now. Guaranteed.

Oh Marky Mark you funky thing you. I got to stare at his ass on TRL once...but thats a story for a different day.

Any who, then there are these people, whos energies are so strong you cant force them out. They take over your body and as hard as you try and shield yourself, it keeps coming.

"Fuck you bitch, my aura is stronger than yours."

It starts an aura war.

The stupid energy, the one that i try to avoid, decided to make an unwanted visit to my home this weekend. Thank god it was only here for about an hour.

I come home from work, ready for a great time. My boyfriend started his vacation and a bunch of his friends came to visit so when i got to my house there were already about 7 or 8 people over.

I love having people over,  its always a bunch of nonsense and usually its a drama free zone, which is awesome. But then again, when you invite certain people over ive learned its like mixing the wrong paint colors together, sometimes you get a shitty color.

Or in energies case, bad energy.

I guess it was more like awkward energy. There was a girl here that not many of my boyfriends friends enjoy the company of but she has always been nice to me. On the other hand i can see why most people don't like her, I try and keep an open mind about things.

So the whole time she is here, she continues talking to me since im the only person who will really give her the time of day besides her current boyfriend. Then i have these friends over who keep trying to talk about her to me when i just want to keep myself out of it.

They don't like each other, great. I understand but at the same time, its not my problem, not my business. To sum it up, i don't give a fuck.

So here was all this negative energy flowing in every direction and i couldnt enjoy myself in fear of an argument. So before i started having fun, i felt awkward for about an hour, and then i think the negative energy got the best of her because sooner rather than later she decided to make her exit.

Like magic the energy turns back into the good vibrations.

So like i said, not to sound like a complete hippy chick, but I'm a firm believer in energy.

A smile creates a smile a, good environment creates happy people and happy people create more happy people. I wish there was more positive energy in the world then there is right now, but i find myself for the most part surrounded by the best energies i can find.