More times than not, when i drink i become angry. Sometimes i even feel as if i become bipolar when drinking. One second, i will love and want to be friends with everyone around me but once someone starts with a friend of mine, the fists come up.
People can say whatever they want to me and i never care. You can make fun of my weight, the way i dress, how i wear my makeup or whatever 'diss' you want to throw at me, ill just shrug my shoulders and walk away. However, if you start talking shit to my friend, a switch turns on and you better run.
Well not really run, I'm not the toughest person in the world but sometimes i think i am. Until recently i have never lost a fight I've been in. Sometimes i start it, sometimes i don't, but i always finished it. Until last summer that is.
Last summer my boyfriend, our friend Ben and i were walking home from the bar when he decided to ask a group of 5 girls if anyone knew what time it was. This is how this went down (ill try and give you the short version)
Ben: Hey, do you guys know what time it is?
Girls: I dont fucking know!
Me: Excuse me bitch!
I then proceed to run into the middle of the girls, push everyone of them, they all walk away. My boyfriend runs over to hold me back, somehow i get away, run towards them once again this time with fists flying. Hit a few in the face and then drunkenly fall over my feet and onto the ground. I wasn't pushed, or knocked out, I was so drunk that i just fell. Yay me!
Of course, now that I'm down is when they all start kicking and punching me.
Ben got in the middle of them picked me up out of there, still swinging and kicking i figured, hell if im going down, I'm going down fighting. Thats my attitude most of the time, even sober. Even though when i am sober I'm more likely to try a different solution then fighting, but if it comes down to it i will throw down. Even if i know i will get my ass kicked.
I ended up with a few bumps and bruises and a broken pinkie toe. (That was fun) And all i got out of it was a not so good story and court order. (which was also fun)
but when i smoke I have more of a 'no worries' type attitude. Ill smoke a bowl and then go out to the bars, not drink, and if anyone starts with anyone ill sit there and try and talk it out. Or just explain how its not worth it, because in the end, its never worth it.
I hang out, talk to friends, watch people and light up with smiles. I can never stop smiling when i smoke, and nothing ever bothers me. I enjoy feeling that way so much more than being angry. For some reason when i get angry (sober or drunk) i tend to black out. Every fight I've ever been in other people have to tell me exactly what happens because i never remember. I doubt think thats a good thing, maybe marijuana is my own form of anger management.
Everything is more beautiful, relaxing and fulfilling. You look at the sky and you think "wow. I'm really glad thats there so i can stare at it" The stars are brighter, the flowers smell more fragrant. (Reading this over, i sound like a complete stoner)
When i drink, i can barely see, let alone smell. I get full off beer, sick off rum (I stay away from that at all costs) and if i start drinking tequila, ill drink until the bottle is gone and then act a fool. Which is fine on occasion and around the right people, but once you take me out in public is when everyone else and myself has to make sure no one starts with anyone I'm with. I tend to be a great ruiner of good times.
In the end, I've decided marijuana is a better solution and I'm going to stick with drinking maybe once a week. It costs less money, since i can make a bag last me a whole 7 days instead of a case of beer or bottle of tequila that only lasts me one night. It also doesn't help my weight issues either. I haven't drank any alcohol in 3 days and I've already lost 7 pounds! Go me!