Thursday, September 8, 2011

Fuck your life...

Does anyone else get as aggravated as i do about the whole FML deal ?? Anyone ever bothered to check out the ridiculousness that goes on at

If you haven't, you should, because these peoples lives suck so bad that they decide to "fuck" their life over a broken pencil, and I'm sure they don't want to fuck their lives in a sexual way unless farts turn you on.

Seriously? My boyfriend farts about every ten seconds, and half the time he thinks its going to be funny when he pulls one of these...

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That noise...was that..a duck?" sticks his ass on some part of my body and proceeds to let out a loud, rumbling, quack.

From his ass hole.

Do i then get the urge to go on and say "My boyfriend decided to fart on me today for the fifth time. FML"?



I think you need to have a talk with your wife, I've heard of the Oedipus complex but I'm pretty sure it's when a small child fantasizes about their mother or father while they are to young to know better. Not when the mother screams their child's name during sexual activity. 

That's just disturbing, this one might be a real FML because i wouldn't be to excited if i knew my husband was getting off on thinking about our kids while he's inside me.  Ew. 

Someone needs to call child services.

Then we have this person. 

His life is obviously good enough to own a GPS, he owns a car that i assume he is driving with said GPS and every computer has its glitches. So just because your GPS wasn't working and unless your destination involved a life or death situation then i would say

call someone with your cell phone. 

If you have a GPS im sure you have a cell phone, dial a number, have someone google it and you'll find your way, dumb ass.

The sky isn't falling and you haven't been hit by a truck in the middle of this highway, so I'm pretty sure you're fine. Your obviously well enough to post this on a website, so fuck off,  i don't care that you hate your life because your stupid GPS wasn't working correctly.

Every now and then you run into the more entertaining rather than annoying posts such as this one.

Obviously this child has some anger issues that this person as a babysitter should feel obligated to talk to the parents about. Or he is just five years old and plays to many violent video games, who knows these days. 

Kids are crazy.

If i were this person, i would use this as an opportunity for a fucking awesome story, because this is more funny than sad.

If a five year old told me he was going to chop my nuts off, i would first laugh, because I am fortunate enough to not own a pair of testicles.

Second, i would take the knife away. He's five and shouldn't have had access to a knife in the first place.

Then i would find some light sabers and challenge him to a duel.

Winner gets ice cream before dinner. 

Loser, goes to bed right after diner.

We all know how that would end.

Here is a good example of an annoying FML. 

At least you got your exercise today, so when you aren't fat anymore you'll feel confident enough to run outside. That is, if you don't give up before then.

However, if you had decided to run outside people would know that you weren't a lazy fuck. For all we know, you are, but since you decided to exercise in secret no one will ever know. There is no proof that you finally decided to get yourself in shape, did you think about that??

Not judging, I try and keep away from exercising at all costs.

If i ever did decide it would be a good idea to go for a run around town, i would die before i reached the end of my street. 

I blame it on my asthma, but i know if i got in shape it wouldn't be a problem.

To sum up this story, FML pisses me off. I don't care that you think your life sucks because you stubbed your toe this morning and then a bird shit on your head. 

Its good luck.

So they say. 

Once i start seeing posts like "I didn't have enough money to feed my family today FML." then ill stop wanting to punch every person who uses it in the face, but until that day comes i'll be here reading the many Fuck My Lifes of facebook and twitter.

Sidenote: I leave for florida in 5 hours! So I wont be posting until i get back, but if you want to know what im up to you can always check out my twitter! <3 Ill talk to you guys when i get back! <3


  1. I love this!

    I sometimes find FML amusing, but I agree with you that a lot of it is ridiculous.

    The GPS one really gets me. People are so reliant on those things that he doesn't know what else to do but bitch about it? I think no. Like you said, call somebody. Pull over and ask directions. Buy a map. So many solutions that do not include whining online.

    And yes, boyfriends fart CONSTANTLY!! This isn't some life-changing event that a guy tries to do something such a fart on a wind chime. My ex made me smell his farts.. often.

    Just discovered you on 20sb.. love your style. New follower here. :)

    Cherie @ Refractions

  2. I visited FML one time, and figured that 70% of the statements were either A) not funny or B) made up.

    Yep, never checked that site out again.

  3. Its completely ridiculous. I hated the phrase FML long before they made a website about it. Now I hate it even more.

  4. I'm not even familiar with the site. Maybe I'll check it out.

    Fickle Cattle

  5. Its basically just annoying people complaining about nothing. lol