I wish it was cool to pee your pants

Babies pee their pants all the time, and its awesome.

Mom and dad are happy everything is going well with the child's digestive system, wipes his/her ass clean, covers it with all kinds of yummy smelling baby products and goes on with their day until the next time they relieve themselves.

The memories i wish we could keep forever.

I would love to see the look on my mothers face as she wipes my shitty butt when suddenly a pile of chocolate colored mush comes slowing gushing out of my anus while she is about to put a clean diaper on.  

Those were the fun times, I'm sure.


Mom, have i ever told you how much i love you for cleaning up my bathroom mess while i was incapable?

Im pretty sure i was so lazy that i milked the "I cant wipe myself" phase for as long as i could.

It's so much easier not having to go through the process of washing your hands and the sanitizing routine your parents taught you as a child. Its just to much damn work!

When someone else does it for you there's no worry about whether or not you have some feces residue lingering under a finger nail or something.

As a baby you can even leak diarrhea through your diaper in the middle of a restaurant and someone will still make you try and give them a high five, babies giving high fives are the cutest things ever. I've witnessed it.

I made a kid give me a high five today after he picked his nose. It was awesome.

Gotta love germs. Booger germs, apparently are worse than pee germs. I still don't believe it.

I think its an urban legend and myth busters should test it out.

Suddenly this all changes when your an adult, and its no longer acceptable just to relieve yourself anywhere. I don't agree with this, peeing your pants should be cool.

We can leave the leaky diarrhea bum for the toilets however.

If I'm relaxing on the couch watching a movie I don't want to get up when I have the sudden urge to pee. I need to have the ability to sit and enjoy an entire movie without interruption.

Especially since my DVD player is broken and cant pause. That's when I end up missing crucial scenes and start asking my boyfriend whats going on over and over and over again.

I'm sure it gets annoying after a while.

I would want to punch me in the face if i were him. But we all know where that would lead...broken ribs.

Then there are the cold winter nights snuggled comfy and cozy in bed, the most comfortable I've been in forever, when my bladder suddenly feels its going into a volcanic eruption. I don't want to move and start to consider letting it all out on the covers.

But I cant.

I don't think my boyfriend wants a golden shower either. I do consider others feelings sometimes.

I make my journey to the bathroom, waste five minutes of my life, get back in bed and try to get into that amazingly comfortable position I will never discover again.

If it wasn't unacceptable, i would have sunk in a pile of pee until morning.

And those times when I'm at the bar...

After my third or fourth tequila cranberry and pinneapple, its time to break the seal. In the process of trying to be an adult and not urinate on the floor, I head to the stalls. One problem, all the other girls in the bar decided it would be a good idea to do the same.

Thirty minutes later, I miss last call and almost pee my pants anyway. What good did that bring?

This may be why i usually choose to let it flow outdoors.

In bank parking lots, on deuschy neighbors rugs, in the shower....

why not kill two birds with one stone? 

Peeing in the shower is awesome, it preserves an extra ten seconds of my life. Then I can use that extra time to floss my teeth.

Dental hygiene matters people!


All of this might just prove how truly lazy i am.

In my defense though...

I try and keep myself busy.

I'm not one of those people who can sit still.

Serving in a restaurant never gives you the time to be lazy anyhow. Take your eyes off a table for one second and depending on how needy the costumer is, it might cost you your twenty percent tip.

Its fucked up that some people don't even let you take a minute just to piss.

During these times is when i wish it was cool to pee your pants.

That way, i could go on taking orders from tables in my pee pants and everything would be alright. I heard that pee is sterile anyway so it wouldn't be violating any cleanliness rules. People can drink others peoples pee and be fine right?

Okayy.. I just grossed myself out right there

But if other people weren't so damn picky about how fast, or even sometimes, how slow they want their service I wouldn't feel the need to make peeing my pants cool.

We should start a movement. A pee your pants movement. Lets turn heads and change the world! All you gotta do is pee your pants!

The beauty in a picture

So I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure i mentioned that my boyfriend finally bought that camera I've been talking about getting, a Nikon D5100. Ever since i opened the package I've been learning as much as I can, with the attention span i have, which is about zero.

I chose to watch the DVD because reading a manual is way to much work for my brain, it gets tired when there is to much thinking involved. I have medication for that, but it only works so well.

Any who...I live right by the water and being surrounded by so much beauty there is always a moment to stop and snap a photo. I've been trying to use as much time as possible for taking as many pictures as i have time for, playing around with as many camera functions i can remember learning about in the video.

So far my favorite is the selective color tool.

As i said, i am still learning so i'm sure ill find more settings and effects to play around with. If anyone is in the advice giving mood who is more skilled in photography than i am, i would love to hear from you!

To update you on my life, my godson came home with his mother today and i got snuggle him for a whole hour before i had to give him away to another visitor. He's the cutest little chunky peanut ever and is already so well behaved. While i was holding him he stared at me, eyes wide open for the first half hour and then passed out quietly in my arms while their dog rested his head on the babies belly looking at his new best friend.

You can already tell he is going to watch and make sure no harm comes to him, what a good pup.

I can't wait until he's old enough for me to teach him how to annoy his parents. I'm sure they're going to be sooo happy they chose me to be in there babies life for the rest of...well...ever. At least they know I'm going to shower him with love and that's all that matters.

Now i will leave you with some pictures i have taken with my brand new camera! :-)

My Dads dog Sidney<3

I don't think Raggedy Anne was that creepy when i was younger

I forgot what i was going to write about...

I'm always rushing, my life is fast paced and not because it has to be but because its how i am. Getting ready for work i wait until the last minute to shower, do my hair, put my makeup on, dress, this is all a process and not a quick one. I try and make it as fast as possible, but i have so much hair that trying to make it look presentable isn't a quick and easy adventure.

Maybe its because I'm always in a rush, but usually I always end up being late since i misplace everything. I swear, if my head wasn't attached my body i would have lost it ages ago. I need to carry everything in my hands because the second i put it down, i don't know where it is. Even if i did keep it in my hands i still would be frantically tearing apart our apartment looking for it.

Am I to young to have old timers syndrome?

I'm that girl who puts her glasses on her head and searches for two hours until i finally realize I've had them the whole time. One time I was late for work looking for my phone only to find out it was in my back pocket. I'm the definition of a space case.

Its kind of sad. I went to the doctors the other day and one of the many questions they asked me was "How is your memory?" my answer "No better than usual."

This is how a conversation with me can go.

Person: "What did you do yesterday?"

Me: "Well, i woke up, blogged, went to work...i think. Came home from work and.....what was i saying?"

For all i know i could have been in a thrilling one on one duel with a huge fire-breathing dragon and her 5 vicious children and the next day i wouldn't be able to tell you anything about it because more likely than not, i wont remember.

I'm pretty sure I've left the house wearing the same clothes as the day before not being sure if it was the blue shirt, or the red shirt i wore yesterday. So then i just got with whatever i think looks good, which is usually the same thing i always wear. Oops.

I'm also that person who looses track of her thoughts. I'll be in the middle of a conversation or telling a story and i will completely forget the point, doesn't make for a good story. At least when i write blogs i can reread what i write so i don't lose track of the topic. Even though sometimes I'm pretty sure i still do it. Whatevs.

Being a waitress I'm surprised I'm not terrible at it. If i didn't write everything down i would be. Some people i work with don't have to write anything down, they can listen to peoples orders and remember exactly what they wanted. If i even attempted to do that i think my brain might explode, that would call for a lot of cleaning and paper work. Exploding brains in the restaurant business isn't necessarily considered sanitary.

Any who, recent events has made me realize that with every death comes a new life and i think that's the only thing keeping me from crying these past few days. I found out when i arrived home from Florida that one of my friends had passed away. He was a great guy and of course any passing is sad. On a happier note, my godson should be born either today or tomorrow, my friend called me to let me know her water broke and its about time since she was due on Sept 1st.

I've lost a friend, but I've gained a family member and all i can do now is celebrate the lives of two amazing people. One who unfortunately isn't here anymore, and a brand new life that i look forward to playing a huge part in.