Jamaica made me contsipated

Its been a while since my last blog post. 

I feel like I've started my last few posts with that awful sentence.

Every time I think about blogging I realize how boring my life has been lately. A boring life leads to less blog posts.

Every day I think to myself "Oh..maybe ill finally write a new blog post."

I begin to try and remember interesting things that happened since I last wrote.

Aand I come up with a big, depressing, gaping hole of nothingness.

No need to depress myself, right? 

But I miss being able to vent about anything. I miss wanting to write about how boring my life has been or how exciting it can be. No matter what happens, at the end of the day or during a late night, my form of therapy is drinking a few beers and writing out anything that comes to mind.

I guess my life as of late hasn't been that boring. Tuesday night I drank a little too much and it ended up being that night im never going to remember. No matter what pictures may surface, nothing even rings a bell. Oops.

I'm just going to blame that on Jamaica.
Not even really Jamaica, more like the resort we stayed in which happened to be located in Jamaica.

The resort was one of the cheapest all inclusive resorts we could find and needless to say we found out why.

The first day we arrived everything was perfect. It was my boyfriend, myself and two of our good friends (another couple) who we always have a great time with. The resort looked beautiful, the weather was amazing, the drinks were free and the pool was just as awesome as everything else.

We spent our first night chatting it up with the bartender downstairs and ended up back in our hotel rooms finishing off the two bottles of Vodka we payed 30 bucks for.

After a few Vodka and Orange sodas, as well as a little something extra for myself, we ended up rapping Afro Mans "Colt 45" to all of Jamaica from our porch and rolling around on the King sized bed trying to figure out how many times it would take to roll onto the floor.

This was already turning out to be the best vacation ever.

The next morning i woke up feeling refreshingly hungover and proceeded to the porch where I support my nicotine habit. While out there, I decided it would be the best time to pass some gas. Especially since all the crap i had eaten the night before made me sure it was going to be a smelly one.

Aand wow. It was.

Well at least I thought it was.

A few hours later i went back out on the porch to once again support my dream of getting cancer and my dream was squashed.

I  believed the heat of the sun helped to seep in the disgusting stench of my fart into the walls of our porch. We were going to be haunted by my fart throughout our entire vacation.


I couldn't help but to be a little proud.

If only i had known where the smell was really coming from.

I warned them to not step outside into the gas bubble, I told them it smelled terrible and wouldn't go away. They didn't listen, instead they braved there way past the sliding glass doors, into the fart chamber.

To my relief and maybe a little disappointment, I found out the smell was not my doing.

Our porch was located right above one of many septic systems placed throughout the resort. 

I don't know if the thing overflowed or what happened while we were there but after that everywhere we went smelled like shit.

How did we not notice this our first night?

Along with the disgusting two beers located in our mini fridge, the man made cement beach and our only chance to discover the real Jamaica being ruined, I barely even got to dance.

AND I FUCKING LOVE TO DANCE!!!

The one night we decided to check out the "Night Club", we ended up grabbing a cup of tequila and getting the fuck out since our shoes were sticking to the floor while we were trying to bust a move and came to the conclusion that it was more of a dive bar than a night club.


Karaoke was fun though. And i made some pool friends who danced the electric slide with me.

This is when we get to the food.

The reason i believe my stomach has been all fucked up since we've been back.

I didn't expect gourmet five star meal, every meal of the day, but i did expect my food to be at least be luke warm.  
 
Is that too much to ask?

I think not!

I know im a picky eater but I'll try things before i decide i don't like it.

Hell, I tried fish and sushi during this vacation.

Even though the smell of fish alone makes me want to vomit, i still put it in my mouth. I gave the rest away but i still tried it, and that's the whole point. Right?

I've never had problems going to the bathroom.

I enjoy that i poop at least once a day. I'm hardly ever bloated, i feel relaxed all the time and I never have to worry about unnecessary stomach pains.

Ever since we've been back from Jamaica Ive had trouble taking a dump. My boyfriend and I even went to the super market today to grab something to help me out with it and still nothing.

I've maybe gone twice since we've been home, and we got back last Saturday.

This is why i blame my drunkenness Tuesday night on Jamaica.

Saturday morning was our last day of warm weather and free booze.

A sad day it was.

It became even sadder when I seriously started thinking about using a knife to cut out my stomach. Food only made the cramps and bloating worse, i felt like a pregnant lady. Sunday came along and I just wanted the pain to go away.

Not eating helped.

By the time Tuesday came around the only thing close to a meal that went in, our around my mouth was a side of  french fries from Friendlys.

I decided to be smart and leave my money at home, since Jamaica made me broke and i planned on not drinking at all.

I even ordered a water, which is extremely unusual for me, but the next thing i know someone is ordering a beverage and then a few shots later...

My alarm goes off and I'm snuggled all in my bed while my phone is yelling at me to go to work.

If it weren't for the food at the resort making me constipated, i would have eaten that day and the day before.

Therefore i wouldn't have been such a light weight and four drinks in three hours wouldn't have gotten me so wasted.

Jamaica wasn't all bad, It was still a great vacation.

Free booze, warm weather and awesome people. Nothing, even the shit smell randomly popping up all around the resort could ruin our fun.

Most of our time was spent in the pool anyway, and luckily the smell didn't linger over to that area. We always got our spot right next to the bar and the fact they ran out of the tequila couldn't even ruin the fun we were having.

Dear high school me

my first car

When you're in high school, you're still finding yourself.

High school, for me, wasn't about the classroom learning experience, because i seriously think the only thing i really learned in high school was how to sneak in shots of Captain Morgans in between classes. Me and the Capt aren't on speaking terms anymore. High school was more about learning who I was and am as a person.

getting ready for prom

Growing up people were never particularly nice to me, and it was hard to make friends since i moved around so much and didn't really know how. Especially since i figured there was no point in trying to make friends if we were just going to move again. Unfortunately, my brother and I ended up staying in the same high school for all four years. My brother had made friends from when he lived in the same town in 6th grade, so when we came into town he already knew people, i knew no one. 

Plus he got involved with sports and such so he made friends much easier and faster than I. 

I'm also not the most trusting person so if anyone would try and talk to me, i'd pretty much give them a fuck off kind of attitude and who wants to be friends with someone like that? 

Well my friends did, and that's why they are still around...i guess.

Any who, lets get on with this letter..

Dear high school self,

            

Chorus uniform

               When you're a freshman and you get asked the senior prom by your number one crush, try and not drink so much at the after party. Still however make the decision to not have sex, you are way to young and I've always been proud of the fact that your cherry never popped until you were 18. Congrats, its a rare thing these days. 

Also remember that boys aren't everything, i know you have never been the girl in the playground thinking boys had cooties, but how about you focus on your own life before having to worry about getting involved in someone else's life. Always remember heartbreak happens but you will eventually get over it, it might take years, but listen to your friends and family when they tell you, your making the wrong decision. I know now how right some of them were. That boy was a meat-head, it wasn't your father just being a father.

Try not getting drunk during the walk to school at 7am. You might actually learn something. 

I look the same as i did then

When you make a few besties that had just come out of the mental institution, you probably shouldn't lie to your mom and tell her you are sleeping at a friends house to go to a party with said friends. It doesn't end well, you would have been better off just sitting at home watching Dark Angel. I know how much you love Jessica Alba.

Last but not least, you should take a deep breath, calm your nerves and try out for the school play or that solo you've always wanted. You never know what you can achieve if you don't try, you most likely would have done a better job than most of the soloists chosen anyway.

Most of all, just have fun and enjoy yourself, but try and stay out of trouble, its never any good for anyone. Especially you.

p.s. The lady that lives upstairs is going to snitch on you for sneaking out at night and smoking butts out your window. 

                             Love

                               Older and more experienced you.

Idea inspired by Andrea! Thanks! <3

I forgot what i was going to write about...

I'm always rushing, my life is fast paced and not because it has to be but because its how i am. Getting ready for work i wait until the last minute to shower, do my hair, put my makeup on, dress, this is all a process and not a quick one. I try and make it as fast as possible, but i have so much hair that trying to make it look presentable isn't a quick and easy adventure.

Maybe its because I'm always in a rush, but usually I always end up being late since i misplace everything. I swear, if my head wasn't attached my body i would have lost it ages ago. I need to carry everything in my hands because the second i put it down, i don't know where it is. Even if i did keep it in my hands i still would be frantically tearing apart our apartment looking for it.

Am I to young to have old timers syndrome?

I'm that girl who puts her glasses on her head and searches for two hours until i finally realize I've had them the whole time. One time I was late for work looking for my phone only to find out it was in my back pocket. I'm the definition of a space case.

Its kind of sad. I went to the doctors the other day and one of the many questions they asked me was "How is your memory?" my answer "No better than usual."

This is how a conversation with me can go.

Person: "What did you do yesterday?"

Me: "Well, i woke up, blogged, went to work...i think. Came home from work and.....what was i saying?"

For all i know i could have been in a thrilling one on one duel with a huge fire-breathing dragon and her 5 vicious children and the next day i wouldn't be able to tell you anything about it because more likely than not, i wont remember.

I'm pretty sure I've left the house wearing the same clothes as the day before not being sure if it was the blue shirt, or the red shirt i wore yesterday. So then i just got with whatever i think looks good, which is usually the same thing i always wear. Oops.

I'm also that person who looses track of her thoughts. I'll be in the middle of a conversation or telling a story and i will completely forget the point, doesn't make for a good story. At least when i write blogs i can reread what i write so i don't lose track of the topic. Even though sometimes I'm pretty sure i still do it. Whatevs.

Being a waitress I'm surprised I'm not terrible at it. If i didn't write everything down i would be. Some people i work with don't have to write anything down, they can listen to peoples orders and remember exactly what they wanted. If i even attempted to do that i think my brain might explode, that would call for a lot of cleaning and paper work. Exploding brains in the restaurant business isn't necessarily considered sanitary.

Any who, recent events has made me realize that with every death comes a new life and i think that's the only thing keeping me from crying these past few days. I found out when i arrived home from Florida that one of my friends had passed away. He was a great guy and of course any passing is sad. On a happier note, my godson should be born either today or tomorrow, my friend called me to let me know her water broke and its about time since she was due on Sept 1st.

I've lost a friend, but I've gained a family member and all i can do now is celebrate the lives of two amazing people. One who unfortunately isn't here anymore, and a brand new life that i look forward to playing a huge part in.

I see said the blind man...

Glasses are so inconvenient. One day, when i make enough money, im going to pay to have laser eye surgery.

I wear contacts most the time, because not only do i hate the way glasses look on me but whenever i wear my current pair of glasses they fall off my face. Not just ride down my nose, you know the one when you end up doing that dorky push your glasses up your face with your finger move? That also happens to me but what happens to me more often is my glasses falling completely off my face and onto the floor. Ive taken them a few times to get tightened at the optometrist but after a week they stretch back out and end up back on the floor. I must have a fat face or something.

So i end up wearing contacts most of the time, I try to make them last as long as possible because my eye doctor is out of town and my car is a piece of shit and I don't like driving it to far. I end up buying multiple bottles of contact solution and always run out from using so much of it. Like right now, i havent had contact solution for a few days, so ive been wearing them since i first put them in. I know its really bad for my eyes, but they're my last pair and i dont want them to dry out. 

Remember my blog post about procrastination?? This is another example. I Keep saying im going to go to the store and grab more contact solution but it never happens. I end up sitting inside, since its still snowing here in new england and i hibernate when its cold, on the computer or watching movies, napping. Whatever comes to mind at the time before i have to endure another terrible day at work. I also sometimes result in using my own saliva to soak my contacts if it gets to bad, since my science teacher in high school told me its the same thing...or better than letting your contacts dry out in your eyes.

I haven't had to stoop to that yet though, i do own visine for contacts. Doesn't seem to help much, i used it after I got out of the shower today and I can still feel them slowly drying under my eyelids, not a good sign. I think its there way of telling me its time to take them out because if you wear contacts correctly, unlike me, you shouldn't be able to feel them at all.

Whatever. My boyfriend and I are heading out of town later anyways so maybe ill just take my contacts out for now stop at a store and put the solution in the case while were in the car. At least that way ill have them for later.