Bring on the rain, bring on the THUNDAAAHH!!

I've briefly mentioned my alter ego Tequila thunder when I introduced you to Penelope.

Tequila thunder was born almost 2 years ago. We were at a friends house and our friend Kevin decided to name drunken me, Tequila Thunder.

Dressed as Tequila Thunder for a Halloween party

Watch out! There is a storm comin'!

"Bring on the rain, bring on the THUNDDAAAH!"

Tequila and I are pretty tight, we've been friends ever since i decided to leave the Captain, Captain Morgan that is. During high school we had a pretty decent relationship but decided to break it off once he started to make me sick. That's when I met Tequila. He was good to me, fufilled my alcoholic needs as a 19 year old girl and tasted absolutely delicious.

Everyone knows about beer muscles, well tequila used to give me mexican liqour muscles. I thought I was the invincible woman and had a big mouth.

We would go out dancing, have a few drinks and after a few shots of Jose I would be making out with my best friend and planning on punching the next bitch who rolled her eyes in my direction.

Tequila thunder doesnt only fight, she loves.

Hence the making out.

I get friendly when i drink, really friendly, and like to show my affections with my tongue. Don't judge. If your nice to Tequila Thunder she will be your best friend and probably try to shove her tongue in your mouth.

So here we were, hanging out and having a great time when booze decided to take over my life. After a few drinks to everyones suprise (I wish you could notice the sarcasm here) I get drunk and really "friendly"'

The next morning I'm browsing through my camera only to find pictures of myself sitting on our friends fiances lap giving her kisses and according to my boyfriend assuring her that i would never break into her house and try to beat her up. I guess I was telling her stories of a previous occasion where i went to a girls house and attempted to break in through the window after she wouldnt open her apartment door. I did have a good reason, kind of. She stole 500 bucks from my best friend. The cops came, i told them the situation and how i wasnt going to ler her get away with it. I avoided being arrested but my friend never got her money back. I swear I'm only crazy when it comes to certain situations.

That's when Kevin comes up with the now infamous name among our friends. "Whats the weather like tonight Kayleigh? Is there a storm brewin'? Bring on the THUNDAH!"

As much as this story makes me look pyscho, im really not, I may have been then but i wouldnt do something like that again. I already had my encounters with the law and luckily got away with trying to harm a few people.

My luck doesnt run so well when it comes to speeding and parking tickets but that's another story.

Tequila Thunder caught on fast, now whenever we have a party or go out my friends and my boyfriends friends try to force her out. Its really not that hard. She can be a good time.

Anywho, this is the story of how Tequila Thunder came to be and Im stickin to it.

Im not clever enough to think this shit up on my own.

Jamaica made me contsipated

Its been a while since my last blog post. 

I feel like I've started my last few posts with that awful sentence.

Every time I think about blogging I realize how boring my life has been lately. A boring life leads to less blog posts.

Every day I think to myself "Oh..maybe ill finally write a new blog post."

I begin to try and remember interesting things that happened since I last wrote.

Aand I come up with a big, depressing, gaping hole of nothingness.

No need to depress myself, right? 

But I miss being able to vent about anything. I miss wanting to write about how boring my life has been or how exciting it can be. No matter what happens, at the end of the day or during a late night, my form of therapy is drinking a few beers and writing out anything that comes to mind.

I guess my life as of late hasn't been that boring. Tuesday night I drank a little too much and it ended up being that night im never going to remember. No matter what pictures may surface, nothing even rings a bell. Oops.

I'm just going to blame that on Jamaica.
Not even really Jamaica, more like the resort we stayed in which happened to be located in Jamaica.

The resort was one of the cheapest all inclusive resorts we could find and needless to say we found out why.

The first day we arrived everything was perfect. It was my boyfriend, myself and two of our good friends (another couple) who we always have a great time with. The resort looked beautiful, the weather was amazing, the drinks were free and the pool was just as awesome as everything else.

We spent our first night chatting it up with the bartender downstairs and ended up back in our hotel rooms finishing off the two bottles of Vodka we payed 30 bucks for.

After a few Vodka and Orange sodas, as well as a little something extra for myself, we ended up rapping Afro Mans "Colt 45" to all of Jamaica from our porch and rolling around on the King sized bed trying to figure out how many times it would take to roll onto the floor.

This was already turning out to be the best vacation ever.

The next morning i woke up feeling refreshingly hungover and proceeded to the porch where I support my nicotine habit. While out there, I decided it would be the best time to pass some gas. Especially since all the crap i had eaten the night before made me sure it was going to be a smelly one.

Aand wow. It was.

Well at least I thought it was.

A few hours later i went back out on the porch to once again support my dream of getting cancer and my dream was squashed.

I  believed the heat of the sun helped to seep in the disgusting stench of my fart into the walls of our porch. We were going to be haunted by my fart throughout our entire vacation.


I couldn't help but to be a little proud.

If only i had known where the smell was really coming from.

I warned them to not step outside into the gas bubble, I told them it smelled terrible and wouldn't go away. They didn't listen, instead they braved there way past the sliding glass doors, into the fart chamber.

To my relief and maybe a little disappointment, I found out the smell was not my doing.

Our porch was located right above one of many septic systems placed throughout the resort. 

I don't know if the thing overflowed or what happened while we were there but after that everywhere we went smelled like shit.

How did we not notice this our first night?

Along with the disgusting two beers located in our mini fridge, the man made cement beach and our only chance to discover the real Jamaica being ruined, I barely even got to dance.

AND I FUCKING LOVE TO DANCE!!!

The one night we decided to check out the "Night Club", we ended up grabbing a cup of tequila and getting the fuck out since our shoes were sticking to the floor while we were trying to bust a move and came to the conclusion that it was more of a dive bar than a night club.


Karaoke was fun though. And i made some pool friends who danced the electric slide with me.

This is when we get to the food.

The reason i believe my stomach has been all fucked up since we've been back.

I didn't expect gourmet five star meal, every meal of the day, but i did expect my food to be at least be luke warm.  
 
Is that too much to ask?

I think not!

I know im a picky eater but I'll try things before i decide i don't like it.

Hell, I tried fish and sushi during this vacation.

Even though the smell of fish alone makes me want to vomit, i still put it in my mouth. I gave the rest away but i still tried it, and that's the whole point. Right?

I've never had problems going to the bathroom.

I enjoy that i poop at least once a day. I'm hardly ever bloated, i feel relaxed all the time and I never have to worry about unnecessary stomach pains.

Ever since we've been back from Jamaica Ive had trouble taking a dump. My boyfriend and I even went to the super market today to grab something to help me out with it and still nothing.

I've maybe gone twice since we've been home, and we got back last Saturday.

This is why i blame my drunkenness Tuesday night on Jamaica.

Saturday morning was our last day of warm weather and free booze.

A sad day it was.

It became even sadder when I seriously started thinking about using a knife to cut out my stomach. Food only made the cramps and bloating worse, i felt like a pregnant lady. Sunday came along and I just wanted the pain to go away.

Not eating helped.

By the time Tuesday came around the only thing close to a meal that went in, our around my mouth was a side of  french fries from Friendlys.

I decided to be smart and leave my money at home, since Jamaica made me broke and i planned on not drinking at all.

I even ordered a water, which is extremely unusual for me, but the next thing i know someone is ordering a beverage and then a few shots later...

My alarm goes off and I'm snuggled all in my bed while my phone is yelling at me to go to work.

If it weren't for the food at the resort making me constipated, i would have eaten that day and the day before.

Therefore i wouldn't have been such a light weight and four drinks in three hours wouldn't have gotten me so wasted.

Jamaica wasn't all bad, It was still a great vacation.

Free booze, warm weather and awesome people. Nothing, even the shit smell randomly popping up all around the resort could ruin our fun.

Most of our time was spent in the pool anyway, and luckily the smell didn't linger over to that area. We always got our spot right next to the bar and the fact they ran out of the tequila couldn't even ruin the fun we were having.