Sunday, April 3, 2011

Dear creepy old man, Fuck off!

So here i am at the supermarket on a serious mission for hair spray and contact solution while minding my own business when this 70 something year old man asks me to help in locating the Tylenol for his wife.

No harm in participating in some helpful community service for the nearsighted elderly man right? All he wanted was to find some pain killers for his old wife, probably in pain from arthritis or some shit.

I show him where the Tylenol is, read him the labels so he can choose the best one.

"Well this one is 13 bucks and its the Tylenol extra strength rapid release and there is the regular extra strength but the bottle is smaller for 9 bucks." Thats all they had at the shaws in town we refer to as the "Ghetto shaws". Not much of a selection.

After he picked out his wife's correct medication i continued on my hair spray, contact solution searching journey. And suddenly the wrinkly old man asks, with my back facing him,

"this is some form of birth control isnt it?"

My immediate thoughts..."What the fuck!? Was that a pick up line!?" but sometimes i think before i speak. I was caught by surprise and after a moment of silence i answer with a simple "umm no.."

He looks at me, continuing on this awkward conversation i wasn't prepared to have, and says "What kind of birth control do you use?"

None of your fucking business! your junk probably aint workin right anyway, so why do you give two fucks (no pun intended) about birth control. This conversation was already starting to give me unfortunate and disgusting graphic mental images. Ew.

But being the polite young lady i am, even though in this situation i feel i have the right to be rude to a creepy old man, i answer with "I don't use birth control" At that point i would think he should end the conversation and realize that i use NO form of birth control at this point in my relationship, I wasn't going to go into details, but apparently he wanted to continue on this inappropriate conversation.

I think, to steer away from the current topic for a minute, he asks me where i'm from. I tell him the normal, how i'm not from anywhere but I've lived in this town for a while. He asks me my nationality, i tell him Puerto Rican and he tells me how he was "with" a Puerto Rican in Puerto Rico one time and it was more than interesting. I'm just thankful he didn't go into details...another ew.

After i thought i was safe from even more uncomfortable unwanted chit chat he then tells me "You know, you should think about going on birth control, it'll feel so much better when he doesn't use a condom, trust me."

Does this guy have a vagina i don't know about? I mean i guess its possible, but he was clearly thinking with his dick in aisle 7 and not his vagina. I guess there are some creepy horny lesbians out there too, but for real??

The worst part was that i hadn't even started looking for any items i came there for in the first place, and he was in MY aisle! Out of all aisles he could have been in that day at the supermarket he had to choose mine, and of course i was the only young semi good looking girl in the hygiene aisle that day...why does god curse me this way?? Shouldn't he be thinking that any normal young woman wouldn't be interested in a creepy old man with saggy balls hitting on them while they are shopping for hairspray and contact solution?

I guess the town i live in you wouldn't be to surprised if the guy payed enough money...there are lots of trashy people kickin around here, its kinda sad.

After a few more minutes of awkward conversation while trying to quickly pick out the cheapest products, I lie and say it was nice talking to him and then make my way to the register hoping he doesn't end up in the same line as me. And thank the sweet lord he was not, i didn't have to see him at all!

A perfect ending to a disturbing encounter.


  1. omg that's f'in disgusting...if I were you I would've told him to fuck off and walked away. haha I have no patience for creepy old men, they've had their time to be young, now let me enjoy mine!

  2. haha i know right. I was in such shock that i didnt know how to react. My brain wasnt working very well that day i guess.