Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Yellow Band-aids

I don't really have anxiety about many things, but the way some people describe there anxiety to me, is how i feel right before I'm about to get a shot.

Today was the day of my lovely physical, the one day of the year i dread the most.

For the boys, this is the lovely
device we get shoved in our
I barely like being naked in front of my own boyfriend let alone in front of some dude or woman who doesn't just play with them for fun, they have to stick there fingers in and around every hole in your body and examine you inside in out. It doesn't exactly feel good when some dude is shoving his fingers all the way up you and pressing down on your stomach.

For me its the most uncomfortable experience ever since i am in no way okay with my own body.

Especially when they are tying to make you feel comfortable so they start asking you day to day questions as if its an everyday thing for you to meet someone who shoves there hand in your coochie and then asks you how your day was....

 "Oh hey, my boobs and vagina are hanging out for the whole world to see, lets just have a conversation as if this is normal for me." No thanks. Make it quick and get it the fuck over with.

I don't need you asking me questions about where i live and what i do for work as your fingers are pressed against my nipples or as your inserting the prongs of death into my lady hole.  But thanks for being concerned, i guess.

I would hate to be a doctor, so many awkward moments that i wouldn't know how to handle. Especially with people you don't really know, or even with someone you have known for a while. I've had my doctor forever, he was my pediatrician and i love him to death, but i look at him as more of a father figure, so i am kind of relieved when he usually has his trainees come in and check my lady things out. It would be weird to have my dad ask me to take my pants off (Gross).

And then there is the shots. I've had to donate blood a few times, and every time i cry. The last shot i got i was 18 years old and i sat on my dads lap while crying into his shoulder as they stuck the needle in me. I'm a big baby when it comes to needles, and finger pricks. Ugh...those are the worst.

So I'm putting my clothes back on thinking my nightmare is finally over and then all of the sudden my doctor pops his head in and says

my inspiration
"When is the last time you had a Tetnis shot?"

Oh Fuck.

Since, for some reason he didn't have any record of it and i don't remember what i did yesterday let alone within the past ten years, we decide its a better idea to just get it done and over with just in case I'm due for one anyway.

Before the lady comes in with the needle i feel the tears, but I'm trying to fight them by thinking "I'm 24 years old, I'm not a baby anymore, just take deep breaths! I can do this without crying, i think i can, i think i can. I'm the little engine that could! The little engine that could be brave and not cry! It will all be fine."

Needless to say my pep talk didn't do jack shit.

The trainee heard me mention before how much i hated needles and asked me if i wanted a hand to squeeze on to, i thought about it and decided after the boob caressing im sure holding hands is a little less awkward so why not?

My Reaction

Then the lady with the needle comes in and i know its on, i kept closing my eyes and repeating my chant to myself but like i said, it wasn't very successful. Not even two seconds after she walked in the door the waterworks start.

I'm squeezing onto this ladies hand with my death grip and the other one is telling me that if i loosen up it will go faster and to not look, so i do as she says but i know its happening and i can picture in my head as i close my eyes. So i open them and see the doctors office and think about how much its going to hurt. Still with tears pouring down my face.

And then shes done.

Just like that, all i felt was a little pinch. Got all worked up for nothing and then it was over with. If only they had fun colorful band aids instead of the plain stupid ones, i would feel much better about my visit. Maybe ill request a yellow one next time, if they treat kids to they have to have something like that right?

Even though it was the end of that doctors visit, apparently they want me to go back to the hospital to have some test done to see if i am anemic. Which means more shots and more overreactions by yours truly.

Well till next time

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