Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Someone farted on my pillow..

For some reason or another I tend to attract conjunctivitis. I wear contacts and i wash my hands a gazillion times a day, but working in the restaurant business makes it a tad bit hard to keep all the germs away.

I used to get it around 3 times a year, so much where it got to the point that my doctor told me to put the left over medication in the freezer so when i get it again i don't have to come back and see him.

So of course with my awesome luck, since its been quite a while since I've had a it last, a girl i work with decided to bless herself with the pink eye. Thanks a lot.

I woke up yesterday morning with my eyes bright red, juicy and sticky. And to my disappointment had to call out of work in fear of spreading the shit eye virus.

It pisses me off how easily it spreads, someone in China farts on someones pillow, then they bring that pillow to america which then gives that person conjuncativitis. Then that person decides to spread the fart particles into someone elses eye and so and so forth and its a never ending cycle of people farting in other peoples eyes. Its ridiculous!

We must stop this madness!

Wash your hands people! If you really want to pull a fart joke on someone just give them the dutch oven. You get the satisfaction of letting someone else inhale your stench and your victim in return doesn't get pink eye.

Tom says its because I'm a dirty Puerto Rican, but thats his answer for everything.

"Oh your car door wont open today? Its because your a dirty Puerto Rican and it thinks your gonna steal it. Spanish people cant own cars."

Hes not racist...he just thinks hes funny, and maybe he is.

So in conclusion, if you have this terrible never ending icky-eye disease please don't talk to me, look at me, serve my food, or even think about me. It can hear your thoughts and wants to be my best friend, when in reality its my number one enemy.


  1. Ok - I do NOT want you thinking that I am spamming, so I will not post the link....

    But sure as hell, I saw "Conjunctivitis" and I thought: "Internet, do not let me down. Prove to me that you are all-powerful. Play me a song about conjunctivitis." And the internet did.

    There is one at Amazon. You can even hear a sample!

  2. Reading this, and hearing about pink eye in general makes my eyes water.

  3. Oh yeah, its not fun. It seemed to have gone away faster than usual though, so i am very thankful for that.

  4. I would agree....pink eye is the worst! It's so contagious that I swear I caught it just from watching the pink eye scene from Knocked Up.

  5. I honestly believe that could be possible. Especially in my case, I'm going to try and avoid watching that scene at all costs.

  6. I haven't had one in years. You can give it or get it from your pets too! Isn't that crazy? I got it from my cat once! I hope your eyes recover quickly.

  7. Oh wow. I never knew that! I have two cats, I hope that's not why i get it all the time :-(