Jamaica made me contsipated

Its been a while since my last blog post. 

I feel like I've started my last few posts with that awful sentence.

Every time I think about blogging I realize how boring my life has been lately. A boring life leads to less blog posts.

Every day I think to myself "Oh..maybe ill finally write a new blog post."

I begin to try and remember interesting things that happened since I last wrote.

Aand I come up with a big, depressing, gaping hole of nothingness.

No need to depress myself, right? 

But I miss being able to vent about anything. I miss wanting to write about how boring my life has been or how exciting it can be. No matter what happens, at the end of the day or during a late night, my form of therapy is drinking a few beers and writing out anything that comes to mind.

I guess my life as of late hasn't been that boring. Tuesday night I drank a little too much and it ended up being that night im never going to remember. No matter what pictures may surface, nothing even rings a bell. Oops.

I'm just going to blame that on Jamaica.
Not even really Jamaica, more like the resort we stayed in which happened to be located in Jamaica.

The resort was one of the cheapest all inclusive resorts we could find and needless to say we found out why.

The first day we arrived everything was perfect. It was my boyfriend, myself and two of our good friends (another couple) who we always have a great time with. The resort looked beautiful, the weather was amazing, the drinks were free and the pool was just as awesome as everything else.

We spent our first night chatting it up with the bartender downstairs and ended up back in our hotel rooms finishing off the two bottles of Vodka we payed 30 bucks for.

After a few Vodka and Orange sodas, as well as a little something extra for myself, we ended up rapping Afro Mans "Colt 45" to all of Jamaica from our porch and rolling around on the King sized bed trying to figure out how many times it would take to roll onto the floor.

This was already turning out to be the best vacation ever.

The next morning i woke up feeling refreshingly hungover and proceeded to the porch where I support my nicotine habit. While out there, I decided it would be the best time to pass some gas. Especially since all the crap i had eaten the night before made me sure it was going to be a smelly one.

Aand wow. It was.

Well at least I thought it was.

A few hours later i went back out on the porch to once again support my dream of getting cancer and my dream was squashed.

I  believed the heat of the sun helped to seep in the disgusting stench of my fart into the walls of our porch. We were going to be haunted by my fart throughout our entire vacation.


I couldn't help but to be a little proud.

If only i had known where the smell was really coming from.

I warned them to not step outside into the gas bubble, I told them it smelled terrible and wouldn't go away. They didn't listen, instead they braved there way past the sliding glass doors, into the fart chamber.

To my relief and maybe a little disappointment, I found out the smell was not my doing.

Our porch was located right above one of many septic systems placed throughout the resort. 

I don't know if the thing overflowed or what happened while we were there but after that everywhere we went smelled like shit.

How did we not notice this our first night?

Along with the disgusting two beers located in our mini fridge, the man made cement beach and our only chance to discover the real Jamaica being ruined, I barely even got to dance.

AND I FUCKING LOVE TO DANCE!!!

The one night we decided to check out the "Night Club", we ended up grabbing a cup of tequila and getting the fuck out since our shoes were sticking to the floor while we were trying to bust a move and came to the conclusion that it was more of a dive bar than a night club.


Karaoke was fun though. And i made some pool friends who danced the electric slide with me.

This is when we get to the food.

The reason i believe my stomach has been all fucked up since we've been back.

I didn't expect gourmet five star meal, every meal of the day, but i did expect my food to be at least be luke warm.  
 
Is that too much to ask?

I think not!

I know im a picky eater but I'll try things before i decide i don't like it.

Hell, I tried fish and sushi during this vacation.

Even though the smell of fish alone makes me want to vomit, i still put it in my mouth. I gave the rest away but i still tried it, and that's the whole point. Right?

I've never had problems going to the bathroom.

I enjoy that i poop at least once a day. I'm hardly ever bloated, i feel relaxed all the time and I never have to worry about unnecessary stomach pains.

Ever since we've been back from Jamaica Ive had trouble taking a dump. My boyfriend and I even went to the super market today to grab something to help me out with it and still nothing.

I've maybe gone twice since we've been home, and we got back last Saturday.

This is why i blame my drunkenness Tuesday night on Jamaica.

Saturday morning was our last day of warm weather and free booze.

A sad day it was.

It became even sadder when I seriously started thinking about using a knife to cut out my stomach. Food only made the cramps and bloating worse, i felt like a pregnant lady. Sunday came along and I just wanted the pain to go away.

Not eating helped.

By the time Tuesday came around the only thing close to a meal that went in, our around my mouth was a side of  french fries from Friendlys.

I decided to be smart and leave my money at home, since Jamaica made me broke and i planned on not drinking at all.

I even ordered a water, which is extremely unusual for me, but the next thing i know someone is ordering a beverage and then a few shots later...

My alarm goes off and I'm snuggled all in my bed while my phone is yelling at me to go to work.

If it weren't for the food at the resort making me constipated, i would have eaten that day and the day before.

Therefore i wouldn't have been such a light weight and four drinks in three hours wouldn't have gotten me so wasted.

Jamaica wasn't all bad, It was still a great vacation.

Free booze, warm weather and awesome people. Nothing, even the shit smell randomly popping up all around the resort could ruin our fun.

Most of our time was spent in the pool anyway, and luckily the smell didn't linger over to that area. We always got our spot right next to the bar and the fact they ran out of the tequila couldn't even ruin the fun we were having.

I like to pee on my boyfriend

I have an extremely overactive imagination or maybe because it was so close 9/11 when we took our flight into Orlando, but whenever i do anything i always think of the worst possible scenario.

At any moment someone is going to attack, so naturally i have to go into survival mode and think of what to do to defend myself, right? Does anyone else do this? Or is it just me?

When we were sitting on the airplane, there was a creepy man sitting next to us and he kept texting someone. Even after they informed all passengers to shut off cell phones, he was still texting away. I kept trying to glance over to get a peek at what was so important, but I'm not that sneaky and he would have noticed and thought i was being a creeper.

For all i know, he probably didn't understand English and wasn't aware that he shouldn't have been texting in flight.

Of course, my mind goes wild with all these outrageous, or not so outrageous thoughts. What if he is using it to detonate a bomb?

Now he's reaching into his pocket. What if he's going to pull out some sharp object and slit my throat open the first chance he gets? I immediately think of ways to keep myself and others alive. I think of how i have tweezers in my purse, those are sharp enough to jab in his eye if he starts to come at me right? If i force it through hard enough? It will at least give me time for a quick getaway, or enough time to kick him in the balls and let someone else bigger and stronger than I take over the beating phases of the trip.

Maybe i might have added a few kicks in here and there.

Now you imagine the mental images running through my head as I'm plotting my survival, what i would do if he decided to take over the plane. I'm to young to die, plus I'm scared to death of death. I will do anything to survive, and if I'm going down I'm not going down without a fight!

This also didn't help the fact that we actually flew back home on 9/11. At least there weren't any creepy men sitting next to us on the plane. In fact, we had a whole row to ourselves so it was wonderful.

I do this in every day life as well, if I'm coming home at night i always wonder if some strange man is going to run out of the woods and attack me. My solution, place my key in between my pointer and middle fingers, tighten my fist and be ready to throw a hard punch to the eyeball when the attacker comes.

Yes, my solutions are always to first go for the eyes. Especially since i never have anything practical for self defense handy. So i just make up shit in my head that i think would work as if i were a Charlies Angel who could make a weapon out of a stick.

If i had a stick, I would sure as hell try.

Well on that note, my boyfriend was holding me earlier and asked what i was doing, and as he was holding me I told him i was peeing.

What i meant to say, was that i had peed. Not that i was peeing at the very moment he was holding me. I decided i would share that with you because i couldn't stop laughing hard enough to correct myself as he was staring at me with disgust.

Now i will share some pictures from our trip to Orlando. Enjoy!

New stand prop at universal

Sues Landing

Waiting in line for the mummy ride

Toon Lagoon

Universal Studios

Finally arrived at Harry Potter! :-)

Cool picture i took in the greenhouse

Hogsmead Village

Hogwarts Castle

Hogwarts Express

Awesome lightning cloud when we were taking off. This one is no lightning

This one is with the lightning. Cool huh? I wish my camera was good
enough to get the actual lightning strike.

Above the clouds

Finally arrived, home sweet home. <3

p.s. don't forget to check out my new about me page! <3 There is a pretty sweet video!

Vacation planning

Ive never been on a vacation out of the country before, ya know tropical island, all inclusive type thing so my boyfriend and I finally decided we are going to actually book a trip instead of just talking about it. Ive never been out of the country (Canada doesn't count). And Ive been to Puerto Rico but that's part of the united states and its never been a vacation, its always to visit family. So I'm pumped to actually stay somewhere Ive never been before. Its gonna be a whole new exciting adventure for me!

How awesome does that look?

Ive been itching to go to Jamaica forever now, and every time i look up a place in Jamaica its so much more expensive then anywhere else.. does anyone have any hints or ideas for a good all inclusive resort in Jamaica? Ive been looking at the sandals resorts because those seem to have the best features, and i would like to avoid a place that has a bunch of kids and a lot of the sandals resorts I've been looking at are 18 plus, which is definitely a plus.

And in September we are planning a trip to universal so we can finally go see the Harry Potter theme park! Im pumped! My boyfriend is a huge Harry Potter fan, i think the series is alright, i just started reading the books. Only on the third one and its kind of repetitive so far and it annoys the fuck out of me. But Tom says it gets better after the first few books, hopefully hes right. But until we can go buy the other one, since his friend borrowed the fourth book and never returned it, Ive been reading the Golden Compass which has been more enjoyable then Harry Potter so far. Even tho i still think it will be an awesome experience, because as much as i don't like the books yet, his world is pretty fucking awesome and i cant wait to try some butterbeer! I promise you i will take some awesome pictures too!

Bandaid tom ripped off

Maybe ill have to get my good camera before we leave, this trip will definitely call for some good camera capturing moments! <3

Well anyway my godson is due in the beginning of September and i cant wait to meet his handsome little face! I know its gonna be love at first sight. <3 

My arm hurts like a bitch from the shot the other day, love how it hurts after but not during the sticking of the needle in your arm, i still haven't gone to get those tests done to see if im anemic, but hopefully by Saturday, and my work is pissing me off. We'll see how today goes...

Yum...one of my cats just took a dump. It smells like death. mmmmm. The smell of fresh shit in the afternoon, its enough to keep you going...

So today ill leave you with some pictures i drew last night while i couldn't sleep. They are the first things Ive ever drawn from real life instead of an already drawn image, it took me a while but i did it!

this was a picture taken from Toms Harry Potter birthday party

Tom sleeping, thank god he stayed still for a while or else i wouldnt have been able to do this. (He called me a creep when he woke up. haha.)

Its been a while

Its been a while since my last blog post. I saw a shiny object and got distracted. It happens.

A little too much tequila

Well what have I been up to lately...?

hmmmm....

Well there is

.Work. FUN!  yeaaahh...right.

Some concerts-(danced my pants off!)

Parties which equal booze, so obviously...always a good time.


Weddings Which also equal booze, again, always a good time.


A 14 hour non stop driving adventure to North Carolina for sun, beer pong, beach, Jacuzzi and awesome weather. (Also need to mention my drunken walk to our neighbors house to make friends, i don't think they were too happy with it.)

I caught a fish!

And basically spent every moment looking in my IPhone calender for spare time. Always trying to squeeze in one more event and try not to double book. Oh arent I just miss popularity.

Exhausting.

I'm not about to say that i didn't have a great time, i wouldn't change this summer for anything. But i know next year...not so many plans. I think i wanna just go with the flow. Ya know?

Spent time with my family

I don't like plans. It makes life feel cramped and busy, which a lot of the time it is. So whats the big deal if you weren't going to do something and then decide last minute you want to. It could mean some life altering amazing experience that if you didn't have, you would have never known how much you would have regretted not doing it.

Make sense?

Kinda...?

Anywho...

How about we just see what life brings us and go with it.